Correspondences
by crazyevildru
Summary: Buffy and Angel write letters and find they *can* move on with their lives. Together.
1. Section 1

TITLE:  the Correspondences

Section 5

SUMMARY: Buffy & Angel write letters to each. Can they solve their problems through words?

RATING: PG13

PAIRING: Buffy/Angel

SPOILERS: general up until season 4

FEEDBACK:  PLEASE! It means SOOOO much! PLEASE PLEASE!

DISCLAIMER:  Joss Whedon owns the characters. Lines from Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare. Lyrics from the songs by: the Sunday's ("Wild Horses"), Janet Jackson ("Again"), Garth Brooks ("She's Every Woman" & "The Dance").

DISTRIBUTION: Organized Insanity (http://www.geocities.com/crazyevildru/index.htm), otherwise ask me

**-the Correspondences-**

**19**

TWO DAYS LATER

                She had read the letters over again. She had found the others under the bed and read them as well. She had finished going through the chest of things as well. She found his sisters copy of Romeo and Juliet and read it aloud to an empty room. She enjoyed reading it out loud; it kept her thoughts alive. 

                "For never was there a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo." She put the book down, tears streaming down her face. "You got that right Mr. Prince. Now that I've successfully depressed the hell out of myself..." she walked to the bathroom washed quickly and flopped down to bed.

She was asleep in minutes, tears streaming down her face. She loved her dreams; with them came the memories of a day that she now remembered. That night she dreamt that she heard his voice, "Buffy... Buffy... I love you... wake up... Buffy..." she awoke in a groggy haze, half expecting to be completely off her rocker. "Buffy..." She wiped her eyes once more, twice, three times and opened them again.

                "Angel..." no sooner had she cleared her eyes, but she had filled them with tears once again. "Angel... is it really you?" Suddenly, she felt his lips catch hers and his arms wrapped around her waist.

                "It's me." She sat up and grabbed him, holding him so tight, she wasn't sure if she could let go. He held her as well and rocked her to sleep.

THE NEXT MORNING

                She began to stir, and remembered the dream; it had been so real. She slowly opened her eyes and found a pair of brown ones staring back at her. "Morning Goddess."

                "Angel!" She pulled him to her and began kissing his face, his nose, and his lips. "Angel, it wasn't a dream."

                "No it wasn't."

                "What? How?"

                "You."

                She sat up. "I don't understand."

                "You chose to save everyone else instead of me, others over yourself. The mark of a true hero, a true warrior."

                "But... how did you come back?"

                "After you left, they brought me to the Powers that Be and they sent me back."

                "Why?"

                "Because they knew you were so close to the brink of suicide Buffy. They couldn't have their best warrior ended like that, so tragically, at her own hand."

                "So are you human?"

                "No."

                "So we're back to square one."

                "Not exactly."

                "What do you mean?"

                "Come with me." He stood up and took her hand. He walked them upstairs and opened the door and they stepped out on to the roof where they had eaten.

                "Angel... no... don't..."

                "Buffy, come with me. Kiss me in the sunlight." He stepped into the sun, direct sunlight.

                "But..."

                "Shh... Kiss now, explanations later." He pulled her to him and captured her lips in a tender kiss.

                "I was so sad Angel, you left me again."

                "Buffy, I had to, I had to do it, end it, you couldn't, so I did."

                "I couldn't live without you Angel."

                "You don't have to."

                "So what are you?"

                "I'm a half demon, like my friend Doyle was. I'm half-vampire, half-human. I can be in the sun, no longer than four hours at a time, but I can be. I can eat food, but I still need blood to survive. I have my strength and the face, but I'm alive, I have a heartbeat and a reflection, and I can have children."

                "No you can't."

                "What?"

                "You may get to contribute, but I have them."

                "You know what I mean."

                "Yes. How much blood?"

                "Just a pint or so, to keep the demon alive, otherwise the strength will disappear."

                "What about the curse?"

                "Buffy, there's one more thing I have to tell you."

                "What?"

                "The curse wasn't a problem before."

                "What?"

                "Let's go inside, I'm starving." She followed him downstairs. "Buffy, I don't want to say this, but I've known for two years that my soul was permanent."

                "How?"

                "A gift from the Powers That Be, two years ago, there was this major big demon mess, and I 'fought bravely' and was granted permanent custody of my soul."

                "You knew this, and you didn't say anything?"

                He began making eggs and toast. "Because I didn't want to make love to you until you knew everything and still made the decision. I didn't want any old baggage there, and I didn't want us to be together without knowing each other again."

                "You almost died Angel."

                "No, I was born."

                "Whatever, technicality, you didn't tell me, we could have been together again and you didn't tell me, let me believe that we couldn't be together."

                "You're the one that's always telling me it didn't matter."

                "It doesn't, it didn't, but we also decided to be truthful."

                "Then tell me the truth. Would it matter?"

                "After all I've told you, about my changing, you think it matters? I was willing to give up everything for you Angel."

                "Then why were in such a hurry to fix the curse?"

                "THAT'S RIGHT ANGEL! I'VE ONLY PINNED OVER YOU FOR NINE YEARS OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I LOVE THE SEX, THAT WE'VE ONLY HAD ONCE, MIGHT I ADD. RIGHT, I'M THAT SHALLOW!" She left the room. He followed her to the bedroom.

                "Buffy, what are doing?"

                "I'm getting out of here."

                "Buffy..." he took her arm.

                "NO! If you have that low of an opinion of me, you don't deserve to touch me!" She threw some things in a bag and stormed by him and left. He let her go.

**20**

THAT AFTERNOON

                "Here." She handed him an envelope. "This is from Buffy, she came over to my place in tears Angel, tears, fountains. She wanted you to have this."

                He took it from her and handed her one in return. "Give this to her? Please."

                "Fine."

_Angel-_

_                How could you insinuate that? I would take you covered in slime with a tail coming out of your head, celibate or not. It doesn't matter. I wanted to see about the curse so we could have that connection again, not because it was either that or nothing. _

_Then you come and tell me this and expect it to just roll of my back? No, I'm not going to do this Angel. Maybe this fight wasn't about you at all, maybe it was about me. Maybe I'm mad at myself for not remembering. It sounds absurd, but I promised, and I let you down. Just like I let you down my cutting my wrist. Angel, I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to, not now that I can have you in it. Now that everything is finally fitting into my life._

_                I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I may be a woman now, but as there is a demon lurking inside you, there is the child inside me who is scared and craving love she never got. I love you; the next move is yours. _

_                                                                                                                                My Love Forever,_

_                                                                                                                                                Buffy_

                "Here Buffy, this is for you."

_Buffy-_

_                I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you this much, again. It seems that's all I can do. Funny the people we love the most and want to protect, are the ones that are the easiest to hurt. Ironic how the world works._

_                Never did I mean to insinuate that the physical was all you cared about. If that were true, you would have dumped my sorry self a long time ago. And you didn't, and you didn't give up. Maybe I'm mad at myself for giving you up so easily without a fight. I knew the curse wouldn't change anything, I was still immortal and you not, and I didn't think you should know. There was still too much baggage. I didn't want the second time we made love to be with secrets surrounding it, nor did I want lies in between us. I wanted the moment to be right. I didn't want you to feel you had to be with me right when I told you. I wanted us to have a clean slate, and to know each other again because we have changed. I wanted us to be sure. I wanted it to be special._

_                I wanted to be able to plan ahead so everything is perfect. So I can worship you like you should be, so I can see your body, and you can see mine, so we can be together. I didn't want you to feel obligated to be with me just because it had been fours years since we'd been together, and I wanted to be sure you remembered. And maybe I was nervous, to test the curse. Nervous to be with you again, you make me so weak, vulnerable, it's not a feeling I can take that well, and maybe I wanted to be ready for it. And perhaps I was wrong. I can't imagine it from your side, I've tried, but I can't know, not really. I'm sorry. I love you more than words can express. Please forgive me, I love you and am awaiting your call._

_                                                                                                                                My Love Always,_

_                                                                                                                                Angel_

**21**

THAT EVENING

                He went out demon hunting, he needed to kill. He needed to fight. It was early still, but he decided to call it quits, he had this nagging suspicion he should go home. So he did. He threw his jacket on the couch and sat in the chair for a few minutes. He smelled Buffy faintly; her scent still lingered in the place. She had only been there a matter of days, and already the place was full of her.

                He heard someone in the other room, clearing the throat, and he turned around to see her standing there in purple silk. "Are you coming to bed?" She asked.

                "Buffy, what are you doing here?"

                "Well, you did give me the key, unless you want it back."

                "NO! It's yours. Buffy... you never disappointed me."

                "Shh... don't talk Angel. Kiss now, talk later." She walked to him smiling as he stood up and pressed her heated body against his. "Angel?"

                "Yes?"

                "Would you do something for me?"

                "Of course, anything, what?"

                "Draw."

                "What?" She picked up a wrapped box from the floor and handed it to him. He opened it up and gasped. "Buffy, these are wonderful!"

                "I thought you're going to need some."

                "Why?"

                "Because I want you to draw me Angel, I want to watch your face and your hands, and I want to see you draw me."

                "These are perfect Buffy. Let me go get some paper."

                "No! Got it covered. Come with me." She took his hand and led him into the bedroom where she had an easel set up with a bunch of blank canvases.

                "Buffy..."

                "I want you to use these pencils and all this other junk that I hope you know to use, to draw me."

                "Are you going to pose? Most of these have been from memory, not from a model."

                "You get the real deal this time, how do you want me?"

                "How don't I want you may elicit a shorter answer."

                "Okay," she slipped the nightgown off, and it fell to the floor, he watched her completely entranced, "How don't you want me?" She asked as she began lighting candles around the room.

                "I don't want you gone. Otherwise, everything else goes, covered in chocolate, whip cream, anything goes, but I don't want you a vampire or demon, unless absolutely necessary."

                "Deal." She took out a white satin blanket from a bag and let it fall down on the bed.

                "What's that?" He asked.

                She turned and smiled devilishly at him, "Just the beginning Angel, just the beginning." She pulled out a red silk scarf and lay down over the blanket and draped the scarf over her body. "Are you going to draw or just sit there drooling?" She looked at him. "Angel?"

                He watched her lay down gently on the bed, fanning her hair around her face, draping the scarf over her breasts and lower abdomen. He usually wouldn't like the color choice, but it suited her in this moment.

                "Angel?"

                "Hmm? What? I'm sorry, what were we doing?"

                "Where were you?"

                "In my imagination again."

                "You go there a lot." She said.

                "It's the only place where this could ever happen."

                "Well, this is reality, are you going to be able to concentrate on drawing?"

                "Yes." He sat down and went to work, looking up at her and drawing every curve, every shadow. She looked divine in the candlelight. She had incense going too, vanilla, the scent that was her every essence. Her eyes were sparkling as she watched him. His whole body was tingling all over, he felt his pulse racing, something he hadn't felt in a long time. She rested her hand on her stomach, with the Claddaugh on it and that was the center of the picture.

                He hadn't used charcoal in a while, and she had gotten some different colors, but he didn't want too much color. He found the perfect color of her eyes, a blue and green, and he colored the scarf in, lightly. Then he sought to find the perfect blend for her hair and skin, and he created those too.

                She lay there, watching him work. He was so involved in the picture. Her chest was gasping for air, and every inch of her body was tingling, trembling, her pulse was racing. She had never felt so nervous; she had never posed for a portrait of any kind, but wanted to do this. She watched him and he stopped for a minute to take his shirt off. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

                "Angel?"

                "Yes?"

"You said in the letter that I make you feel vulnerable, is that true?"

                "Everything I said in those letters was the truth."

                "I have a confession." She said as he continued to draw.

                "What?"

                "Angel, my body is shaking so much right now, I can't even see straight."

                "Are you okay?" That was a good question. She was. This was the most erotic moment of her lifetime, he hadn't even so much as touched her, and she felt as if they had made love a hundred times over already. "Buffy?"

                "I'm perfect." She smiled. "I'm just... I..."

                "What?"

                "I want you Angel, I want you so much, I can't wait, it's like I'm going to burst."

                "I know, I'm almost done, I hope you'll like it."

                "I think I will." It was true, every glance he took, made her feel like a queen, she had never known what it was like to be worshipped, until these moments with Angel.

                "Done." He said taking a step back.

                "Can I, can I see it?"

                "Yes, it's for you." She stood up and walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around her as she looked at it and just the feeling of his hands on her bare skin made her tremble and sent shivers down her back. He wasn't as cool as she remembered, but he wasn't warm like her either.

                "It's beautiful Angel."

                "I'll have to get some spray stuff, so it won't smear, but it's done." She looked in the bottom right hand corner and he had written something there. "That's the title."

                She smiled and read the calligraphy, "My Goddess." Under the title was one single letter, A."I didn't know you knew calligraphy."

                "Well, like I said, there's a lo..." she turned her head and pulled his head down to hers and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. "A lot you don't know."

                "I want to find out." She turned around and pressed herself up to him and enjoyed the feeling of his skin on hers. He picked her up and carried her to the bed, she sat back and he crawled over her. "I feel like I'm seventeen again being with you for the first time, its odd and kind of exciting really."

                "Buffy?"

                "Yes?" He began a trail of kisses from her neck to her navel.

                "Are you sure you want this to be now? I mean, we've waited this long..."

                She pulled his head up to hers and looked deep in his eyes. "Angel, I've waited too long for new memories of you, I've slept too many nights disappointed because Riley wasn't you. I want to forget those nights; I want new memories with you. I want you to touch me in only the way you can, and make me feel the only way you can. I want you Angel, so bad it hurts." He continued his kisses down over her breasts. "Angel?"

                "What?"

                "Do you want this? I don't want you to, if you'd rathe..." He silenced her protests with a kiss.

                "I've never wanted anything else."

                That night, they made love. The connected in the only way that truly satisfied the ache they had felt for five years. They worshipped each other, and memorized every inch of the other with kisses and caresses. One moment they were tender, the next they were animals, they brought each other beyond the bounds of reason, beyond sanity, beyond all logic. They crashed together and they rose together and the picture he could have painted would show them working as one. Neither knew where the others body began and their own ended, and as they lay after several hours of love making, they both had never felt more alive.

                "Angel, are you still awake?" Buffy whispered against his skin. They were entangled in each other, arms draped over the other, as close as they could be.

                "I can't sleep. I know I want to, but I can't. I don't want to, I want to live in this moment forever."

                "You can."

                "What?"

                "Draw, draw us together like you have before. I love seeing myself through you eyes."

                "Maybe I will." He kissed her forehead. "I cannot find the words to express how much I love you Buffy."

                "I know, I feel exactly the same." They fell asleep, two content lovers, wrapped within the embrace of their soulmate.

**22**

ONE WEEK LATER

_My Goddess-_

_                I can barely stand this time apart love. I need you next to me. I feel empty without you here with me. I think of us every day that we are apart. What it felt like to be inside you once again. You once said you felt at home in my arms, and I feel at home when I am buried within your warmth._

_                Enclosed is another gift. I cannot stop myself from drawing. Every minute I find another memory I want to have. I've gone through five notebooks and four canvases since you left. You must come home to me soon my love. I am empty without you._

_                Your mother came by this morning, she said she was in town buying some pictures. She said that if I hurt you once more that she would see to it that I die a horrid and unnatural death. Xander said something similar. You are such a lucky woman to have such wonderful people in your life, and I am the luckiest to have you. I don't care what you think, I don't deserve you, what could I have possibly done to deserve a Goddess? I may be your Angel but you are my queen._

_                No word. There is no word to describe what I feel for you inside Buffy. Come home safely and soon._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally yours,_

_                                                                                                                                                A_

_My Angel-_

_                I loved the picture; for once you are in one, although I fail to recall that position, perhaps something you want to try? Tell everyone not to worry about, and don't you worry either. I look forward to seeing those drawings, perhaps one day you will extend your model base and draw some fruit or a landscape. I too have enclosed a gift, although I have no artistic talent, I'm very good with an automatic camera. Hope you enjoy them almost as much as I'll enjoy showing you when I get home._

_                I too am empty. This time apart, so soon after getting you back in my arms, makes me so sad, but it makes me appreciate you even more. I have a confession my darling boy. You asked me at some point during our night, if I was okay because you thought I was crying and I said I was fine. I lied. I was crying. You awakened emotions and feelings I had given up on. You brought them to the surface and I couldn't feel my own body. I had no other outlet for how much I felt, and so I cried for us Angel. To feel you filling me once more was a dream come true and I look forward to our next encounter._

_                I do not wish to leave you, there are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to tell you, but I must sleep. For only in my sleep am I able to make love to you once more. I replay every kiss, every touch and every moan. No word. I like this, so appropriate. You are so completely my Angel, and I your queen, that I will agree on. Until we can be together again my love!_

_                                                                                                                                Eternally your Goddess_

EPILOGUE

                When approached with this project by my brother, I wasn't sure if I could take on such a big task, and truly be able to do it justice. I was working on a deadline; I had one year to get the story of my parents together in time for their fiftieth anniversary.

                I can remember as a child, staring up at the picture above the fireplace and feeling the love with which my father painted her. I can remember walking into his studio and seeing painting after painting hanging on the wall, a shrine to my mother, the one he calls his Goddess. I remember before I went to school and Mom was at work, I would sit in the studio with Daddy and watch him working on another memory, so he told me. Sometimes it would be a picture of my mother, other times it would be me, or myself and her. As I got older, and our family grew it would be my brother, or our two sisters, or any combination.

                I close my eyes and I can see all the paintings that adorned the walls of the house so vividly. Pictures of where he grew up, beautiful pictures of green valleys and awe-inspiring mountains. I remember our family trip to Ireland, when he took us to his old home and we walked the streets that were once cobblestone. He took us to the cemetery where our aunt was, and our grandparents, and it was there my mother and my father began to tell us the story. My siblings at the time were too young to really understand the implications of what he said, but I did, and I became intrigued.

                When we got home, I was inspired; I began reading of my own heritage. It opened so many gates for me and I found that I had no artistic talent, mine was a talent of words. So it was after years of college, and journalism and English degrees that my parents anniversary was approaching and my brother asked me to recreate the greatest story ever told, of two star crossed lovers who defeated the odds. Everyone knows the story well, the curse, the breaking of it, the coming back from Hell, and the break up. What people don't really understand about my parents, is how they found their way back to each other. This is what I attempted to reconstruct, by talking with my parents at length about their past, by reading their letters that they still write today.

                I went to my mother's office every afternoon for a month and read all the letters and picked certain ones to help my cause. For this, I had to dig deep into my parents past, and detach myself from it. I had to look at it from a narrator's perspective and so when I now read the letters about the night I was conceived; I can appreciate their love even more.

                One can go to the library and find numerous books on Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, and the gypsies that cursed him. One can also read about the greatest slayer that ever lived, the only one to out live the prophecy. Likewise, one can get a book about the exceptional painter, Angel. And one can pick up a paper and read about B. Summers Incorporations, and what clients they are handling now. And now, one can read the story that links them all together throughout time and history.

                In closing, I would like to thank my brother, Alex for bringing this project to me, and my two sisters Willow-Anne and Kendra for the love and light they bring me. I would most of all like to thank my parents for giving me such inspiration, you two are truly divine. I can only wish I can find a love as great as yours, I should be so lucky, everyone should. And we can certainly answer the question once posed by my father. Indeed their love can stand the test of time.

                                                                                                                -Briana Summers 

GO ONTO THE NEXT SECTION


	2. Section 2

TITLE:  the Correspondences

Section 2

SUMMARY: Buffy & Angel write letters to each. Can they solve their problems through words?

RATING: PG13

PAIRING: Buffy/Angel

SPOILERS: general up until season 4

FEEDBACK:  PLEASE! It means SOOOO much! PLEASE PLEASE!

DISCLAIMER:  Joss Whedon owns the characters. Lines from Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare. Lyrics from the songs by: the Sunday's ("Wild Horses"), Janet Jackson ("Again"), Garth Brooks ("She's Every Woman" & "The Dance").

DISTRIBUTION: Organized Insanity (http://www.geocities.com/crazyevildru/index.htm), otherwise ask me

**-the Correspondences-**

**6**

ONE DAY LATER

                "Willow?"

                "What's up Buffy?"

                "You think it would be bad form to break up with Riley?"

                "WHAT? Buffy, you just accepted his proposal, you can't break up with him."

                "Why not?" She asked her most trusted friend.

                "Why not? Because, that's why. I don't know why, why do you want to?"

                "Will, I feel like I rushed, and if I am going to get married, I don't want to settle for second best, I want to find someone who loves me as much I love him, and I don't think this is it."

                "Buffy, I'm going to say this for your own good and you need to listen, okay?"

                "Okay."

                "It's been five years Buffy. If you're waiting for Angel to change his mind and come running back, it's not going to happen. You can't be together and he knows that, and deep inside you know that too. There is no way to change that, you have to move on and I thought you had. Riley loves you and I believe you know in your heart what to do. Listen."

                "Willow, this has nothing to do with Angel. This has to do with me. I know I can't have Angel, I got that, but why should I settle for the first guy I met? How do I know there isn't something better out there? Don't I owe it to myself to find out?"

                "I guess. What are you going to say to Riley?"

                "I don't know Will, I don't know. Maybe I just need some time. I'll ask him for some time. Put the engagement on hold for a while, I don't know."

                "I'll be behind you whatever you decide Buffy, know that."

                "I do."

                "How'd patrolling go?"

                "So many demons, six last night, and three vampires. What's going on?"

                "What did Giles say?"

                "He said he was looking into it. But I'm going to get going, Riley and I are meeting and I want to talk to him."

                "Later Buffy."

                "Bye Will, thanks."

TWO DAYS LATER

                She got home late; there was another letter on her desk. She was eager to read it, although she hadn't been expecting a response from him.

_My love-_

_                I can remember one night; I must have been seven or eight, when my mother was putting me to sleep. I asked her why she put up with my father. I was young, but I knew what went on, how he hit her, how he yelled at her, and she told me that she loved him. I asked her this several times throughout my life and always got the same answer. I often wonder if she felt she had a duty to love him and was too scared to move on or if she truly did love him. I think sometimes we, people, get confused with what they feel inside and they think should be._

_                I never wanted you to doubt my love for you Buffy. I'm sorry if for one second you did. Everything I did, I did it for you. Right or wrong, I wanted you to have something I didn't, a normal life, happiness, and a world without having to worry about demons. This world may only be inside your bedroom with him, but at least you have something. Even when we were alone Buffy, a demon was watching you, and you shouldn't have to live like that._

_                Perhaps I was being too selfish. I didn't want to watch you die, since inevitably that's what would happen, whether it be in four years or forty. I have seen and been the cause of many deaths and still I cannot imagine watching the love of my life die. I have had limited experience with love and friendship, I finally now have felt both. My love for you, and my friendship with Cordelia, Doyle and Wesley. I had to watch Doyle die, he died, so I could live and there has not been a day that goes by we don't think of him. That was painful enough, but you would think after all the death I've caused, one more wouldn't hurt so much. I can't even imagine what losing you would feel like, surely it will kill me, or give me the strength the walk into the sun._

_                It killed me a thousand times over to leave you Buffy. It still kills me, and there will always be a place for you in my heart, please don't ever doubt that, for without you, my heart is empty, my soul, my redemption have no meaning. Your love is what makes me worthy, without it there would be no point to me. Everything about me is so completely you, and without that I am lost, but this is what I wanted. So please, be married, have children, be happy and know what we have both sacrificed for it._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally yours,_

_                                                                                                                                                Angel_

**7**

THREE DAYS LATER

                She had been soul searching and wondering what she wanted. She wished she knew. He should be getting the second of her letters to leave her hand soon. She wondered how he would react, what he would say, what he would do. She was sitting in the Bronze when a familiar song came on.

//Childhood living is easy to do

The things that you wanted I bought them for you

Graceless lady

You know who I am

You know I can't let you

Just slide through my hands

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

I watched you suffer, a dull, aching pain

And now you decided to show me the same

No sweeping exits or off-stage lines

Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Faith has been broken

Tears must be cried

Let's do some living

After we die

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away

Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them someday

Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them someday//

                She was out the door before the last chord ended.

                He sat reading over her words for the third time.

_Angel, my love-_

_                Perhaps I do have something normal with him, something more normal anyway, but is normal a feeling of emptiness? He can't possibly make me feel as complete as you ever did, even when we were just holding hands Angel, I felt at peace. At home._

_                Your soul is what makes you worthy, the fact that you care, the fact that you would sacrifice yourself for me, that's what makes you worthy, what gives you redemption. You should never doubt that about yourself, you always did, and it killed me inside to hear you talk of yourself like you didn't matter. You do matter, to me, to Cordelia, Wesley and obviously your life mattered to Doyle. It is not just I that makes you worthy, it is everyone who loves you, and everyone you love._

_                The demon inside you is what brought you to me. For that I can never be free of him, neither can you for that matter, but if he was not there Angel, you would have been long gone before I was even a consideration. He is one of the reasons why you are you, and I am so completely in love with you. Everything that happened to both of us, made us who we were, made us two people who could love each other. If you wish to change that, we may never have been and as I said before I would never trade that for anything. A life without knowing you, would be no life I would want. And if I had it to do all over again, I would do everything exactly the same._

_                I have no idea what is happening here. I have felt for five years, emptiness inside, but reading your letters, I feel like I am falling in love all over again. We have changed, I admit that, but I wonder if we could ever find that peace once more. Don't we owe it to ourselves to try? I will always be yours Angel, I meant that. Every part of me is so completely in love with you, my heart, my soul, my mind, my body, my everything. I can't imagine that part every changing._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally yours,_

_                                                                                                                                                Buffy_

                He put the letter down and ran out the door.

ONE DAY LATER

                She was sure he would be there, he should be. She entered the office and remembered that he lived downstairs. She walked down the stairs. "Angel?" She said.

                She walked around the rooms. "Angel?" He was not here and her heart sank. She sat on the bed and read her letters over again. She wondered where he went. She got up and began her walk back to reality.

                He knew she was staying at home and he sat on the roof outside her window waiting, but she didn't come home all night. He winced at the thought that she was with him all night. Day was coming and he went back to the car, he was too late. It was all for the best anyway.

**8**

THE NEXT DAY

//I heard from a friend today,

And she said you were in town

Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind

How can I be strong I've asked myself

Time and time I've said

That I'll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave,

My soul you took away

Good intentions you had many,

I know you did

I come from a place that hurts,

God knows how I've cried

And I never want to return

Never fall again

Making love to you felt so good

And oh so right

How can I be strong I've asked myself

Time and time I've said

That I'll never fall in love with you again//

                He got back late that night feeling emptier than ever before. He wanted to curl up in bed forever and never wake up. He was dying inside once again. He walked downstairs and threw his coat on the chair. He put his keys on the table and thought he was hallucinating, that smell, where was it coming from? He must be crazy. He had imagined her there a hundred times, but it had never been this vivid. He took off his shirt and went into the bedroom.

                "Angel!"

                "Buffy."

//So here we are alone again,

Didn't think I'd come to this

And to know it all began

With just a little kiss

I've come too close to happiness

To have it swept away

Don't think I can take the pain

No never fall again//

                "What are you doing here?"

                "I had to come Angel." She was sprawled out on the bed; she was so beautiful, even more than he remembered. "I couldn't leave it with the letters, I had to come. Where were you?"

                "I went to Sunnydale."

                "Great minds huh?"

                "I guess." He sat on the edge of the bed looking at her.

                "You don't have to stay that far away Angel, I don't bite." He cracked a smile. "Was that a smile I saw? You don't have to hide it Angel, you should do it more often."

                "I don't have much to smile about usually. Cordelia's jokes are usually cracks at me."

                "Angel..." she sat up, "I wasn't sure if I should come, but I had to see." He looked down at her hands.

                "Is that the ring?"

                "Oh, yes it is."

                "May I?" She held out her hand to him and he took it, both shivered at the contact. "It's beautiful, a diamond, what you should have."

                "I don't know, I was never one for the whole gold and diamond thing, I'd prefer an emerald." She smiled. "So, I told him that I needed some time, I told him maybe, not yes, not no, just maybe. But I don't know, everything inside me is screaming to tell him no."

                "You should do what your gut tells you to do. Guts are usually right on the money."

                "You think?"

                "Absolutely." He said.

                "Angel, I had to come. We can't write the things we wrote in the letters and not find out if we can make it work, not at least see. Part of me didn't want to come, because I was afraid of the answer, but the rest of me screamed at me to come and find out. If only just to hold your hand, if only just to say goodbye."

                "You sound so grown up Buffy, you look so grown up, you're a woman, not a child. It's shocking really, I guess I still think of you as that teenager I once knew."

                "I know, but I'm so much more than that now."

                "I can see that, I can feel it in the letters, your tone of voice, your handwriting."

                "I know, things have changed a lot. Not to be corny, but the more they change, the more things stay the same."

                "I know."

                "Angel, we can't write those things in the letters and then walk away."

                "I know, but how can we not?"

//Kinda late in the game

And my heart in your hands

Don't you stand and then tell me

You love me

Then leave again//

                "I don't know, but we can talk about later. You're probably tired." She went to get up.

                "No, you stay here, I'll be on the couch." He went to stand up and she caught his hand.

                "Angel... stay here with me."

                "Buffy..."

                "I know, but just hold me tonight, like we'll never be apart again. Can you do that?"

                "I can." He lay down next to her and she snuggled into him and placed her hands on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. "I can."

// 'Cause I'm falling in love with you again

Hold me, hold me

Don't ever let go

Say it just one time

Say you love me

God knows I do love you again//

**9**

THAT MORNING

                It was dark inside when she woke up, obviously it would be. She began to squirm and his fingers moved lightly on her arm. "Morning." She said.

                "Morning, sleep well?"

                "For the first time in five years, yes."

                "Good. Are you hungry?"

                "A little, but I'm more of an orange juice and coffee person in the morning now."

                "Oh, you happen to be in luck, cause I have both of those things."

                "Must be my lucky day." They both got up. He had already framed the picture she sent him; it was right next to the bed, along with her senior picture and one of her, Willow and Cordelia at the prom. "This is like a shrine to things Sunnydale Angel." He looked back.

                "Yeah, well, I like to keep my women close, something nice to wake up to in the morning, or afternoon."

                "Right, this is early for you, you want to go back to bed?"

                "No, I'm good. Been sleeping less lately not that I ever really slept anyway. I guess I'm one of those people that can run on five hours, even when I was young, I'd be up with the sun, my mom said I had way too much energy."

                "What did you do at five in the morning?" She sat down at the table as he got coffee started.

                "Well, when I was younger, I'd go get the bread from the baker, when I was older I went the bar, and when I was even older, I'd be getting dressed so I'd be out of her house before she woke up."

                "Who?"

                "Any girl I was with."

                "Oh. I didn't know that."

                "There's a lot you don't know about me." He said sitting down handing her orange juice.

                "Okay Angel, tell me something else I don't know." He leaned back in the chair.

                "Okay, something else... okay. This one time, when I was like ten, my dad and I went fishing early one morning, and I caught this fish, it must have been like two feet long. I freaked out because it was flapping around, so I threw it back in the water."

                "Scared of fish?"

                "Actually yes, from that day on, I never ate fish again."

                "Interesting."

                "What about you Buffy? Tell me something I don't know."

                "Okay... oh, this one time, I went to my grandmothers house and we were going to bake cookies, I was nine I think. We were going to make chocolate chip cookies and she thought it would be a good idea to put some peanut butter in it too, so we mixed the dough, put in the chip, and when we put the peanut butter in, it made this thick paste stuff. It was gross, but we threw the whole lump in a cake pan and stuffed in the oven. When we took it out, it was all gooey and melty, but it was the best mistake I ever ate." She laughed at her own memory.

                He watched her eyes light up as she told the story and he fell in love with her twenty times over. "Interesting."

                "Yeah, my gram and I always baked stuff, most came out okay, but this one time, she was tired, so she thought she would let me make biscuits for dinner, what a mistake that was. They were flat little burnt pancakes when I was done with them, plus I set off the fire alarm." He laughed. "Now your turn."

                "Okay... my sister and I used to go, when I was 14, down to the pier and watch the ships coming in from America. We'd sit, and we'd watch and try to guess what was on them, like if it was corn or tobacco... she liked to make up stories about the men on the boats. Then we'd go to the beach and lay back and look at the clouds. We'd find the pictures in them and make up stories to go with them. Then we'd go home and my dad would hit me for something or another."

                "Angel, I'm sorry."

                "For what?"

                "For what your dad did to you or to your mom, it wasn't right."

                "You know I spent my entire life trying to find peace with him. I hated him and I hated my mom for letting him hurt us, we were just kids. He may have had a reason when I was older, I was lazy, but when I was ten? There was no reason. I killed a lot of people and regret it, but I can't say I'm all too torn up about killing him. I get that times were different back then, I totally understand that, there was nothing my mother could do, but he could have. God I almost think I did my sister a favor."

                "Why?"

                "Because I heard the things he did to my mother, I shudder to think what he did to my sister when I was getting drunk."

                "What was she like?"

                "Bri?"

                "Bri?" She asked.

"Short for Briana, Bri was beautiful and smart, she was so smart, she learned to read all on her own you know, well I helped a little. She liked reading, I got books for her from my friends and I bought her this book, I actually have it, her favorite book, Romeo and Juliet. She read it so many times, she had it memorized. I'd watch her read it and every time she read it, she'd find more she loved about it. She was amazing. I miss her."

                "I wish I could have seen her, I bet she was gorgeous."

                "Why do you say that?"

                "Well, I know it's been a while, but you're not that horrid to look at, hell even all vampy you have definite attractive qualities, so I bet it runs in the family."

                "You think?"

                "Oh yeah."

                "Well, you can see a picture of her, give me a minute, keep an eye on the coffee."

                It was so nice to be sharing this with Buffy; things he'd only shared with himself for two and half centuries. He rummaged through the chest and finally just decided this was something he could share with her. "Hey! Come here!"

                "What?" She walked to him. "What's that?"

                "My past. I want to share this with you Buffy."

                "I want to see." He lifted a notebook out of the bottom. "What's that?"

                "Drawings of mine." He flipped to the front of the book; she fleetingly saw red on the pages. "This is what I working on the morning before I... before I was changed, before I died."

                "It's beautiful, is this your sister?"

                "Yes, it is."

                "She's beautiful, more so than I imagined. You should get this framed Angel, then you can her up too."

                "No."

                "Why?"

                "I killed her Buffy, that's the last imagine I have of my sister."

                "It doesn't have to be, you didn't do that, the demon did, you wouldn't have. The man that I'm talking to now would not have done those things."

                "Buffy, you can't possibly understand what it feels like."

                "No I can't, I can't even imagine it Angel. Surely the worst thing in the world I could think of wouldn't even come close to what you deal with every day. I can't say I envy you Angel, but I admire you, you are so strong." She put her hand on his forearm and he turned to her. Before he knew what was happening, she had pressed her lips to his and they were entranced in a kiss. She broke away and sat down on the floor. "Show me more." She took the notebook from him and started flipping the pages.

                "NO!" He grabbed it away from her. "No."

                "Angel, show me your world." He flinched. He had said that once, and it had brought him to do the terrible things he did. "Angel, I want to see. I'm ready." He handed her the notebook and watched as she flipped through the drawings. "These are really good Angel."

                "They're of dead bodies Buffy, people I killed."

                "I know, still doesn't mean they aren't good. You're a really good artist. You could give up this whole atonement thing and be a starving artist." She smiled and touched his cheek. "I know, I'll be serious, but seriously these are really good."

                "I have more, here." He handed the others to her. "These are all from before, the last one in that book is the gypsy girl."

                She flipped to that page. "Wow, she was pretty."

                "Not exceedingly so, but yes. And that next one is the old lady that placed the curse on me. It's funny how certain moments just freeze in time."

                "Are there any more?"

                "Yes a couple. I don't have many from the time I came to the US until when I went to Sunnydale, not much inspiration." He handed her three more.

                "Oh my god. How did you know about this?" She asked, pointing to herself with a lollipop outside her school in LA with Merrick. This was the day she fought her first vampire.

                "I was there."

                "What?"

                "Whistler took me there to show me you Buffy. That's when I fell in love with you, and maybe that's why I always felt I needed to protect you, cause the first images of you I have in my head are of a scared little girl, who'd never heard the word vampire with any considerable thought or reality."

                "Explains a lot."

                "How so?"

                "Why you always make decisions without me, like a father, instead of as a lover, as an equal. Will I always be that little girl to you Angel?"

                "Perhaps so Buffy, perhaps so. The only decision I really left up to you was whether you wanted to make love or not Buffy, and look how that turned out. I should have known better. I can remember being outside, and feeling the change coming, it hurt so much, and all I could think of was how much I didn't want to hurt you."

                "Funny, that's what was going through my mind when I rammed the sword through your gut. That must have been the worst moment of my life. I was ready to send Angelus, but not you, never you."

                "Buffy, it was you who saved me from Hell. It was your love that brought me back, our connection that kept me whole, that made me endure. Not that I didn't deserve everything I got and more, they did nothing to me that I didn't do to everyone I met over the course of a hundred and fifty years."

                "Still, I couldn't even think straight after that. I left; I came to LA, ironic huh? Whenever we need to run from our past, we pick the same city."

                "I guess." He was quiet. "Buffy, I shouldn't have sent that letter, I didn't want this. I didn't want impose on you when nothing has changed."

                "Don't do that to me, don't play these games Angel. You were honest with me for once in those letters and you want me, you want to make it work, I know you do. You can't lie to me this time, I won't take it. We owe it to ourselves to try. We do. We can make it work."

                "Buffy, no matter how you slice it, you are still human and I'm not, you're going to age and I'm not, there's no way you can change that."

                She continued flipping through the notebooks and saw a series of pictures from when they had made love, exquisite pictures, detailed pictures of her, and of them together. She longed to be that close once more. Then she came to a series of pictures of her sleeping, and fighting. "When are these from?"

                "I was always watching you Buffy, evil or not, I can't seem to stay away from you."

                "Creepy."

                "Tell my alterego about that."

                She opened the next notebook and saw herself and Angel on the table in his apartment, and in his bed. He had them in the shower, and he had her tattoo on her back, he hadn't seen it, she hadn't had it when they were together. "Angel?"

                "What?"

                "How did you know about that?"

                "What?"

                "My tattoo."

                "What?" He hadn't meant for her to see that notebook. "Hmm? Oh that, I don't know, used my imagination I suppose. Why do you ask?"

                "Because I have that on my shoulder blade, and I got it right before Thanksgiving of freshman year of college, you wouldn't have known about it." How could he get out this? "And you have quite the imagination, the kitchen table Angel? Little daring aren't we?"

                "Buffy, give me that." He tried to get it away from her before she looked anymore. "Buffy..."

                She kept flipping, and it seemed that these were way too detailed to be imagination. Behind everyone was a clock reading nine o'clock and hearts. They were different from the other drawings, no longing, no sadness, just the two of them happy.

                She noticed a cut on his arm, and a couple dark areas, possibly bruises in the pictures. "Angel?"

                "Buffy, please, give it back to me." She jumped up from him as she found the last page and read what he had written over a picture of them.

"My only love sprung from my only hate"

Two star crossed lovers, destined to be together,

Created and destroyed by the times they've spent apart

Given a chance at happiness

And given misery

One destined to remember

One to forget

Can their love survive

the true test of time?

                "Angel?"

                "What?"

                "What does this mean?"

                "Buffy, it's nothing, I was just fooling around." She noticed another page at the end with writing but he grabbed it from her this time. "Coffee?"

                "Sure."

**10**

THAT AFTERNOON

                "Hey boss?" Cordelia said walking downstairs. "You okay?"

                "Cordelia!"

                "Buffy?" She said.

                "Hi." She stood up and walked over to give Cordy a hug. "Good to see you."

                "Buffy?" She said.

                "Cordelia, do you want some coffee, I'm making some." Angel said.

                "Well, nice to see you're dressed, what are you doing here Buffy? Or rather, who are you doing here?"

                "Relax, no broken curses Cordelia, I just had to come."

                "I hear congratulations are in order, when's the big day?"

                "I don't know yet. I've still yet to answer him for sure."

                "Oh, by the way Willow's email sounded, it sounded for sure." Cordelia sat down.

                "Well, it was, when I told Willow, but now, it's kind of up in the air."

                "So when are you going back to Sunnydale?"

                "I have to tomorrow, in the morning, I have a speech to give in the evening."

                "A speech?" Cordelia asked.

                "Yes, I graduated from college, I'm making a presentation to this group of people, and if I do well I might have a job. I'd get to travel the world I think."

                "What about Slaying?"

                "I've thought about it, but the council can just send another Slayer. And the Initiative does take care of a good portion of the demons and bloodsuckers so... I have to act like a human."

                "What's the job?"

                "It's a public relations thing, that's what I decided to do, I'm good at talking, and I'm very persuasive, so I'm hoping it goes well. The firm is based out of LA actually, but they have gatherings in Sunnydale. Most likely I'd be moved to New York, if all goes well."

                "That's great Buffy, do you wear a suit and everything?"

                "Yes, very professional like, not like jeans and a sweater for demon hunting."

                "Cool, I'd love to see that." Cordelia said.

                "Well, actually I may have to do some gala thing here in a few weeks, if I get the job, that's the first project they said they'd want me to do if I do well on this. So you may just get your chance, they handle all these artists and things, and I'd be like a PR person for certain clients."

                "Awesome! So what are you doing tonight?"

                "I don't know Cordy I guess..."

                "Actually, we have plans tonight Buffy." Angel said.

                "We do?"

                "Well, you came to LA, least you can do is let me buy you dinner."

                "Okay, it's a date." Buffy said. "Where are we going?"

                "You'll see."

GO ONTO THE NEXT SECTION


	3. Section 3

TITLE:  the Correspondences

Section 3

SUMMARY: Buffy & Angel write letters to each. Can they solve their problems through words?

RATING: PG13

PAIRING: Buffy/Angel

SPOILERS: general up until season 4

FEEDBACK:  PLEASE! It means SOOOO much! PLEASE PLEASE!

DISCLAIMER:  Joss Whedon owns the characters. Lines from Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare. Lyrics from the songs by: the Sunday's ("Wild Horses"), Janet Jackson ("Again"), Garth Brooks ("She's Every Woman" & "The Dance").

DISTRIBUTION: Organized Insanity (http://www.geocities.com/crazyevildru/index.htm), otherwise ask me

**-the Correspondences-**

**11**

THAT EVENING

                "Okay, I'm back." He said, walking to her with a bag. "Here, these are for you, go change."

                "What?"

                "Just go put it on. Buffy..."

                "What?"

                "Trust me." He said reassuringly.

                "I do." He got dressed while she was in the bathroom; he rented a tux and had flowers ready for her too. He had a special evening planned, one that she had a long time coming. "Angel?" She spoke through the door.

                "Yes."

                "Are you ready?"

                "Yes, are you?"

                "Absolutely, can I come out?"

                "Yep." He took a deep unnecessary breath as she walked out. "You're... you're so stunning." He hadn't been sure about the color, but it was fitting. It was midnight blue, with sequins outlining the top of the dress, and lining the spaghetti straps that showed off her back and tattoo. The dress accentuated her figure, which had significantly changed, she was fuller, more defined, she had a woman's body now. The dress lifted her breasts up and the slit in on the side of it showed off her marvelous legs, which were now covered, in sheer pantyhose, with heels to match. "This is a sin."

                "What?"

                "For you to look that good Buffy."

                "Oh, thanks, you don't look that bad yourself." Her hair was up in a French twist, with ringlets on the side and her make-up was just enough. She had never really needed make-up, she was beautiful anyway. "Angel?"

                "Hmm?"

                "What are looking at?"

                "An angel." He said. "I'm memorizing an angel, give me a minute. I want to remember this night forever." She walked over to him and took his hand and held it to her cheek and kissed it.

                "You will. Now, mind telling me where we are going?"

                "First, here you are my lady." He handed her the flowers.

                "They're so beautiful."

                "They pale in comparison to you Buffy. You're more beautiful than I remember, more feminine, older, fuller, divine."

                "Thanks." He looked down at her hand, and she did not have the diamond ring on, instead she had the Claddaugh on. She must have seen what he was looking at because she took his hand and kissed his. "I thought if only for a night, we can show what we feel inside Angel, I belong to you."

                "And I to you." She smiled. "Every time I think you're the prettiest, you go and do something prettier."

                "It's a habit of mine around gorgeous 250 year old vampires."

                "Well, I hope you don't go around with just any 250 year old vampire."

                "Just one in particular. I'm kind of a softy when it comes to him. But I am wondering where he is taking me."

                "Close your eyes." She did and he put a blind fold over her eyes. "Too tight?"

                "No, but why?"

                "It's a surprise." He took her hand and led her outside. She got in the car with his help and he drove around the block a few times, trying to throw her off until he pulled up in front of his building. "We're here, but keep it on until I take it off." He helped her out of the car and they went inside to the elevator and went up to the roof.

                "Where are we?" He was laughing. "What's so funny?"

                "You tell me where we are."

                "I don't know."

                "Yes you do, you've been here before."

                "Tell me."

                "Don't your slayer senses tell you anything?"

                "Sorry, mister-I'm-a-vampire-know-it-all, just tell me, and stop laughing at me." He stood behind her and she felt his cool tongue graze her tattoo as his hands took the blindfold off. 

                She opened her eyes and was blown away. They were surrounded in candles and white lights. There was a table set for two with wine and a beautiful silk tablecloth, with floating candles in a bowl in the center. She looked around and there were flowers draped all over, surrounding candles. "It's so beautiful Angel."

                "Welcome to your prom, a little belated, but I thought it would be nice."

                "It is so thoughtful, thank you." She turned to him and gently grazed his lips with her own.

                "Are you hungry?"

                "Oh my god yes."

                "Good, cause we have dinner here."

                "Great. What's on the menu?"

                "Caesar salad, lemon chicken with these little ball things, I don't know what they are, don't ask, and for desert, strawberries and whip cream on some cake thing."

                "Strawberry shortcake?"

                "Yeah, that's it, you're so smart."

                "What can I say? Well," she said thinking further on the choice of meat, "I knew it wouldn't be fish."

                "Ha ha, I'm going to die of laughter." He smiled as he pulled her chair out and she sat down.

                "Thank you kind sir."

                "Your welcome my dear."

                "Everything looks so perfect, like a dream." They began to eat. "Angel?"

                "What?"

                "Just tell me, where are we?"

                He began to laugh again, "My office and apartment are down about five floors."

                "You jerk, why'd we get in the car?"

                "To confuse you, and it worked."

                "Yeah whatever." She smiled.

They reacquainted themselves with each other over dinner, and it soon felt like they had begun to know each other again. They laughed and talked, and she told him about college. He told her what he had been doing, and the trips Wesley, Cordelia and he had made to San Francisco and Las Vegas. "Ready for the strawberry stuff?"

                "Not right now."

                "Would you care to dance?"

                "I'd love to."

                "Please don't blame me for the music, Cordelia made the tape, so it's her fault." He pushed play on the radio and took her hand and pulled her close.

                "You know what made me come here? I was sitting in the Bronze when our song came on, the one we danced to at the prom and I listened to the words. 'Wild horses, can't drag me away, wild, wild horses, we'll ride them someday' and I thought that maybe it was time to climb back on, pardon the expression." She blushed at its implications.

                He didn't want to tell her, well, he did, but he didn't want this night to happen, because she felt she had to. He wanted the next time he made love to her, if there was a next time, to be perfect, right in the moment, with no baggage between them. If that could never happen, it wouldn't.

                "Sorry, I know that we..."

                "It's okay Buffy, just dance with me." He pulled her close and they swayed to the music.

//She's sun and rain, she's fire and ice

A little crazy but it's nice

And when she gets mad, you best leave her alone

'Cause she'll rage just like a river

Then she'll beg you to forgive her

She's every woman that I've ever known//

                She rested her head on his chest and soaked in the feeling of being in his arms once again. Never had she felt truly at home unless his arms surrounded her.

//She's so New York and the L.A.

And every town along the way

She's every place that I've never been

She's making love on rainy nights

She's a stroll through Christmas lights

And she's everything I want to do again//

                He wished he could tell her things, tell her how much he loved holding her close to him. How badly he wanted to bury himself in her warmth, and how they could if they wanted.

//It needs no explanation

'Cause it all makes perfect sense

For when it comes down to temptation

She's on both sides of the fence//

                "Angel?"

                "Yes?"

                "Angel," she looked into his eyes, "I never thought it was possible to be any more in love with you than I was, but I was wrong. The girl inside me still loves you, but the woman inside adores you, loves you so much more completely than I ever thought possible. I love you and if there is anyway we can make it work I think it would be worth the effort."

//No it needs no explanation

'Cause it all makes perfect sense

For when it comes down to temptation

She's on both sides of the fence//

                "Angel, say something please, don't shut me out again. I can't take you breaking my heart again, I won't let you, I can't let you, please say something."

//She's anything but typical

She's so unpredictable

Oh but even at her worst she ain't that bad

She's as real as real can be

And she's every fantasy

Lord she's every lover that I've ever had

And she's every lover that I've never had//

                "Buffy, I can't say that I don't want to try, this last day has been so amazing, seeing you again, being together, making new memories, but why put ourselves through this, if the results will be the same?"

                "Let's just look into it, there must be a way to make me immortal."

                "Buffy, don't go there."

                "What? No, not vampire immortal, but just immortal some how, or you mortal, or half-human, there must be way. What if we exorcised the demon?"

                "Then I'd be dead. Exorcisms only work when the subject was living when inhabited by the demon."

                "But you were, barely but you were. It's somewhere to start."

                "I guess."

                "So is that what we're going to do? Date until we can find a way or until we've run out of options?"

                "If you're sure that's what you want, but be sure Buffy, take some time to think about it."

                "I will, it'll be all I think about. You have no idea how much I would give to have you again Angel."

                "I have a pretty good idea."

                "Why?"

                "Cause I'd do the same." She smiled and rested her head on his chest. He already had done the same; he had given up everything for that one day.

**12**

LATER THAT EVENING

                "Well, shall we call it a night?" He asked her, spinning her around once more.

                "I never pictured you for a waltz kind of guy."

                "Well, like I said, there's a lot you don't know."

                "I'm looking forward to learning."

                "Me too."

                She laughed, as he dipped her at the last beat of the song. "This day has been so perfect, I don't want it to end. I feel like if I close my eyes, or even blink that it'll all be an illusion and I'll wake up in my bed and it'll be as if it never happened."

                "I know, but you have to go early tomorrow and you have your presentation, and I would feel horrible if you missed this job because we were dancing all night." He took her hand and they walked to the door, she looked back once more. All the candles had extinguished themselves.

                "This was perfect Angel, if only for one night, it was perfect." They walked down the stairs slowly. "I think this is one of those memories that will be burned to memory."

                "Indeed." They got to his apartment and she went to the bedroom and took off her shoes. "Buffy, I'm going to take a shower, you can have the bed, feel free to grab a shirt to wear if you like."

                "Okay." She slowly got undressed as she heard the shower start. She walked over to the dresser and looked at the pictures there, mostly of Cordelia, but there were some of her, and Wesley, and of Doyle.

                She didn't know it, but he was looking at her. She was standing naked in front of his dresser, looking at the pictures. Her curves were even more outstanding now, than when they were clothed. She had certainly matured, grown up, her hips were a little wider, like a woman's, she had put on a little weight since he'd last really seen her, and she wore it well. Her legs and arms more defined, with some muscle to them. Her muscles were perfectly toned, he could tell just watching her. She was perfectly tanned, all over; she probably went to the salon for that. She reached back and let her hair down and it cascade down her back and she shook her head to let it loose.

                He had to get into the shower, a cold one, quickly.

                She smiled at his naive behavior, like he thought she didn't know he was there. Like she hadn't already thought of a way to get into the bathroom while he was there. She took a silk shirt of his and put it on, it covered her to her thighs.

                "Angel?" She knocked on the door.

                "Yes?"

                "Can I come in? I have to pee, and I want to get this make up off my face."

                "Sure." She went in. "I am still amazed that you managed to put on make-up perfectly with no mirrors."

                "Well, not that you'd ever opened up women's make-up jars, but most have tiny little mirrors included, instant bathroom."

                "Oh, nifty."

                "Nifty?" She giggled.

                "What's so funny Ms. Summers?"

                "Just that word." She smiled turning to the sink, away from the shower.

                He peeked out at her; she was at the sink leaning over it, so the water would fall into the sink. She was so beautiful. He let the water wash over him and he closed his eyes imagining her hands. It was a minute before he realized that it was.

                "Buffy..."

                "Shh... it's okay. We won't... you know... but I can get your back for you."

                "Buffy, it's not a good idea." She climbed in behind him, shirt still on. "Buffy..." She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing herself into his back. She felt so good against him. "Buffy... it's not a good idea..."

                "I know, we'd just want more than we can have, but I don't want you to go changing your mind on me either, so here's something to remember me by." She turned him around and pulled his lips to her mouth and crunched herself against him. She pulled back and climbed out. "You know Angel, the last time we were together, I was a child, I'd never been with a man before, and I think you'll find that the next time we meet, that you've never been with a woman." She touched his nose softly and went back to the bedroom.

                He smiled and finished his shower; he certainly needed it now.

                She chose another shirt and slipped it on and slipped under the covers, they were so warm. She lay with her hair draped over the pillows and waited for him. He came out wrapped in a towel. "I forgot my shorts."

                "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before Angel. And it's not like I wouldn't mind seeing you again." She smirked as he put some boxers on.

                "Buffy..."

                "I know, you don't know what to do with me. Last time we were together, I didn't know what to do, or where to put my hands, or what would make me feel good, or what would please you..."

                "Buffy, apparently you did indeed know how to make me happy." She smiled.

                "I guess I did."

                "I said things Buffy," he sat down, "He said things to you that morning that weren't true. I wanted you to know that."

                "Like what?"

                "Like I said, he said that it wasn't like he'd never been there before, but I hadn't. I've been with lot of women, but never felt that much passion and intensity before. I've never been with anyone who made me feel as alive as you did. I've never felt so completely in tune with someone, never felt the magic that we exchanged, ever before."

                "Yeah?"

                "Yes."

                "You know what I remember most?" She asked motioning for him to join her.

                "What?"

                "Well, beside everything physical, but the feeling of being home, of being safe. I've never felt so safe and at peace, than when I'm with you Angel, and we've only been together once, but whenever I'm around you, I just feel like I'm home."

                "I know the feeling. I love you Buffy and no matter what happens, I want you to know that."

                "I do, I finally do." They fell asleep holding each other once again.

**13**

THE NEXT MORNING

                "Angel?" She grazed his lips with her own gently.

                "What?"

                "Angel, I have to go, my bus leaves in an hour, I just wanted you to know, say goodbye, or see you again, or whatever." He got up and grabbed her around the waist. He crushed his body to hers.

                "Well, call me after your presentation and we'll figure out the next step."

                "Okay, I was going to have coffee, do you want to have some with me?"

                "I'd love to." They had coffee and she kissed him goodbye when she left. He went back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. He looked over at the dresser, waning to remember her body standing there, when he noticed an envelope on the dresser. He took it down and read the letter inside.

_My dearest Angel-_

_                How can I ever find the words for how much last night meant to me? I don't know if we really mean what we said, if we will try to work it out and find a way, or not, but either way, I will always remember last night. I only wish we could have made it more, have made love, but I know we cannot, and I can deal with that, I only wish._

_                I've made love to you in my head so many times Angel, thoughts sneak into my head at the worst moments: during a test, during a patrol, and yes even when with Riley. He may be a man, but he is no man to me, he can't even compare. He is naive, not wanting to explore my body, worship me as much as you already do, after only one encounter. You draw my body with such eloquence and expertise almost as if you have it memorized, the contours of my body, how the shadows play with me so exquisitely, mystically even._

_                Every drawing screams love to me, the strokes of the pen, long and defined. Your love and devotion come through so clearly, in your words, even in the letters, so carefully chosen. He does not how to show it if he does indeed feel it, but he is not you. I couldn't find any mere mortal that would come close._

_                You wanted me to be loved, but I want to worshipped, and only your eyes can make me feel that. Only your eyes can run up and down my body and make me feel like a goddess. Only your touch can make me tremble, only your mouth can make me beg for mercy. If I live the rest of my life, with only these memories, then so be it. But I realize now that Riley was never what I wanted, so he must be set free. I intend on doing that, and wearing my ring, for I belong to you and you alone. Your eyes are the only ones I want to see me, your hands are the only ones I will allow to touch me, and if they never will again, so be it. I love you, more than words can describe._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally awaiting your touch,_

_                                                                                                                                                Buffy_

                He was unsure if it was possible to love her even more than he already did, but he did.

THAT AFTERNOON

                "Riley!"

                "Buffy! I missed you." He grabbed her.

                "Riley, I'm sorry."

                "What?"

                "Sit down."

                "That's never a good conversation."

                "Riley, I was wrong to say yes to you so quickly, I was wrong to say yes at all."

                "What?"

                "I lied, it has everything to do with Angel."

                "WHAT?"

                "Riley, it's not fair for you to be second prize, I'm sorry, but I can't see you anymore. I wish things were different, but they aren't." She put the ring in his hand and walked away.

THAT EVENING

                "Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless. Can I help you?"

                "Cordelia, is Angel there?"

                "Hold on." She waited.

                "Hello?"

                "Hey."

                "Hi." He said. "What's up?"

                "I wasn't sure if I should call or not, but I am just so excited!"

                "Why? What happened?"

                "I GOT THE JOB! They said they were so impressed with my speech, that they want to send me to the opening in LA, and possibly to their headquarters in New York for a week. A week, can you imagine, a week in New York!"

                "That is so great!"

                "I know, I just wanted to call you, it's been so long since I've been able to tell you my good news, I wanted to this time, and I wanted to tell you that I gave Riley back his ring today and told him I couldn't see him anymore."

                "Oh, how do you feel about that?"

                "Elated, relieved, happy, relaxed... need I go on?"

                "I suppose not."

                "How pathetic? I mean, I've been with him for four years, and I can't say as if I'm torn up about it, I really don't feel anything. I mean, I feel bad about leading him on like this, but as for the breaking up part, I'm over it."

                "I'm glad to hear you made such a speedy recovery."

                "Well, I mourned, it's over, I'm good to go. So, they want me to be at this gala thing three weeks from now to introduce me to a bunch of people in LA, and I kind of need a date, and I was thinking that if you're not busy doing vampire things, that maybe..."

                "I'd love to."

                "Good. It's formal, but not too formal, suit and tie should do."

                "When are you coming?"

                "Well, I have to meet with the founding partners tomorrow afternoon, so they can offer me some money I guess, and give the final interview, so I'll be coming by train tomorrow morning, around nine-ish."

                "Want me to pick you up?"

                "Nah, I'm a big girl, I can get from the train station to your place."

                "You'll be coming to my place?"

                "Duh silly, of course. Don't tell me you're getting all slow in your old age."

                "Not likely."

                "Not that slow is bad, it's just not good."

                "It can be, good."

                "I'll bet it can."

                "Then I'll see you tomorrow?"

                "Tomorrow." She hung up.

**14**

THURSDAY MORNING

                She walked into the apartment. "Angel?" She walked around. "Angel?" She walked into the bedroom and there was an envelope, she sat down and opened it. She pulled out three pieces of paper. The first two were drawings; one of her in the dress, a collage of different angles of the dress and the other was her standing in front of the dresser naked. She read the letter.

_My love-_

_                Sadly I cannot be here, I had to meet a potential client with Cordelia, rather she wanted me to join her for a breakfast date with an agent. She says she trusts my judgement about people, I've smelled a few rats for her in the past, so please accept my humble apologies._

_                Enclosed are two drawings, new ones, which is obvious to you. I drew them for you, so you could keep last night forever frozen. You are my Goddess, of love, of truth, of sex, you are my goddess, and I worship you more than I think I should._

_                I can't express to you how wonderful it is to hear that your body is only for me, although that may lead you into a life you won't want, but it is your choice. I realize now that I can't make decisions for you. Perhaps yes, I do see you as that teenager, but the other night, I saw you as a woman and fell even deeper into love with you. Feeling your hands on my body once more, your heat, your lips, your tongue, watching you from the bathroom, stand in front of the dresser, like a queen, you are my queen._

_                I am missing you as I sit with Cordelia, be sure of that, and I will be home later sometime after your meeting. There is juice in the fridge, mind you it is not the red juice. Bad joke. I love you so much it hurts not to be with you._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally waiting to touch you,_

_                                                                                                                                                                Angel_

                She smiled and lay down for a quick nap.

TWO HOURS LATER

                He sat with his pencil in hand watching her, wanting to capture every detail of her. She began to stir. "Angel?"

                "You caught me."

                She sat up more. "Doing what?" He turned the notepad to her. "It's beautiful."

                "Well, you're the best subject. I try to draw other things and I can't."

                "Well, I don't want you drawing other women anyway." She smiled and reached for him. "What time is it?"

                "11:30, when's your meeting?"

                "Two, but I want to see my father first, so I think I'm going to do that. Do you mind?"

                "Not at all, here." He handed something to her.

                "What's this?"

                "A key, if we leave to go out, we lock the office door, and the only way to get here, besides the sewers is through the office, so in case we have to go for something, you can get back in."

                "Okay, you sure?"

                "No, I think you're going to bring a whole bunch of holy water and dump it all over the floor. Of course I'm sure."

                "Well, jeez... don't have to be all like that? Who died and gave and you a sense of humor?" She paused. "I'm sorry, that was a bad joke."

                "No it's okay, you don't have to tip toe around it anymore."

                "Okay and you don't have to tip toe around me either, come here." She grabbed his hand yanked him to her and crushed her lips to his, greeting his tongue and welcoming it. He moved over her and she lay back and enjoyed the feeling of having his weight crushing into her, feeling him hover over her body. His kisses grew with intensity and desire and he began sucking on her neck and lips and ears. "Angel... stop it... Angel..."

                He looked at her. "What's wrong?"

                "Well, first off all, we can't, and secondly, I do have to get going."

                "You're right, for once, you're the mature one." He said, rolling off her. "I hate that."

                "I know, but I really do want to tell my dad about my job. My mom was so happy, although I failed to mention the part about being back with you, but I did tell her that Riley and I broke up, luckily I never really told her we were getting married, so it was okay. She was heartbroken about him though, I think she liked him more than I did."

                "You're amazing Buffy, simply amazing."

                "Don't you forget it pal."

                "I couldn't possibly."

                "Did you tell her yet?"

                "What?"

                "What? You even have to ask me that Angel? Did you tell her you two can do the nasty? Did you tell her can do the horizontal dance of love and remained souled?"

                "Could you be anymore Cordelia than you already are?"

                "I told you before, brutal honesty, I give it, if you don't like it, stop hanging out with me."

                "I love you Cordelia." He said with a chuckle. "And no I haven't."

                "You mean, she's spent two nights here and you haven't jumped her bones? Are you ill?"

                "No."

                "Are you suddenly gay?"

                "No Cordelia, I am definitely not gay, I just want things to be perfect and there's too much stuff, so as long she thinks we can't, we won't, which is good."

                "Stuff? What stuff?"

                "I don't want to base the next phase of Angel and Buffy on a lie, she doesn't know what I did, she doesn't know there is a way to make me very much human very quickly."

                "Oh, that whole forgotten day thing? I thought you were over that."

                "Cordelia, she thinks we've only ever been together once, when we were together so much more than that, but it didn't happen. I want to tell her, but what if we can't find a way to be together. I can't be human again Cordelia, she would get hurt."

                "Angel, why don't you let her take that risk if she wants."

                "Because I'm not going to just be human, just to get dead two days later. Been there, done that, I already died once and don't want to go there again."

                "I'm just saying, maybe you should learn from your mistakes, mister-I've-grown-so-much, and tell her, be honest."

                "I don't know, I just don't know."

**15**

THURSDAY AFTERNOON

                "I'm back!"

                He jumped up, so happy to hear her voice filling up the apartment, "Hi! How'd it go?"

                "You are looking at the new Public Relations Associate of Jackson, Johnson and Hut."

                "OH THAT'S GREAT!"

                "Even better than that is starting salary."

                "What is it?"

                "I was hoping you'd ask that! Forty-five thousand dollars! Plus I get two weeks paid vacation every six months, dental, eye and medical benefits after three months, and I get to start handling my own accounts as soon as I start."

                "When do you start?"

                "Next week, next Monday. And, any traveling I have to do it paid for by the company, and they are giving me a ten thousand dollar signing bonus for moving costs, cause I'll have to relocate, I'll be living in LA. I get that check tomorrow, so I'm thinking we can celebrate."

                "By what?"

                "I was thinking I'd start by taking everyone to dinner, you, me, Wesley and Cordelia, you all work very hard ridding the world of the vermin that dare call themselves demons, you deserve a night. And I thought I would take Cordy shopping."

                "Why?"

                "Because she's taken such good care of you."

                "She will so love you."

                "I know, I'm just lovable."

                "You are so lovable." He grabbed her and began his assault on her mouth and senses. He pulled away after he had had as much of her as he could handle.

                "Why stopping? It was just getting good." She said with a sparkle in her eyes that had missing for so long.

                "So this job is definite?"

                "Yes it is. We signed this afternoon; I'll be assigned a few clients, until I get some of my own. The gala will give me an opportunity to meet some people looking for PR reps."

                "Great. I can't wait."

                "Me neither, in more ways than one." She pulled him to her lips and assaulted him as he had her. She started laughing.

                "What Buffy?"

                "I'm just thinking how it took me 23 years to finally get my life into place, a job, a good one, I've gotten the Slayer thing under control, and now I've got my man." He sat on the couch and she sat on top of him, straddling him. "Now first things first, work on the curse, then the mortal immortal thing."

                "Buffy, we could sort the immortal mortal thing out first, it seems if we can make me mortal, or something like it, the curse will be negated if we can get the demon out."

                "Yes, but if we get to the curse first, we can have fun while we're fixing the mortal immortal thing. And I so want to have fun with you." She kissed him playfully, biting his lower lip gently.

                "I thought that didn't matter."

                "It doesn't, but wouldn't it be an added bonus?"

                "Buffy, I think mortal immortal thing is best, if we can't figure that out, no sense in punishing ourselves by going all pelvic, and having to walk away."

                "Angel..."

                "Buffy, please don't go there with me, I can't walk away from you again, especially if we make love again."

                "Angel..." she put her finger to his mouth. "Angel, I don't want to make you watch me die, I won't. We'll give it a couple years, and if we can't figure it out, I'll walk away this time. But let's not think about that until later, okay? We'll pack it in the back of our mind, behind some of this." She licked his lips and plunged her tongue into his mouth, he was receptive. "Sound like a plan?"

                "Yes, it does, thank you."

GO ONTO THE NEXT SECTION


	4. Section 4

TITLE:  the Correspondences

Section 4

SUMMARY: Buffy & Angel write letters to each. Can they solve their problems through words?

RATING: PG13

PAIRING: Buffy/Angel

SPOILERS: general up until season 4

FEEDBACK:  PLEASE! It means SOOOO much! PLEASE PLEASE!

DISCLAIMER:  Joss Whedon owns the characters. Lines from Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare. Lyrics from the songs by: the Sunday's ("Wild Horses"), Janet Jackson ("Again"), Garth Brooks ("She's Every Woman" & "The Dance").

DISTRIBUTION: Organized Insanity (http://www.geocities.com/crazyevildru/index.htm), otherwise ask me

**-the Correspondences-**

**16**

THURSDAY NIGHT

                "ANGEL! ANGEL!"

                "Cordelia? What's up?"

                "Vision, icky man, very big icky man, here's the address."

                "Okay."

                "And Angel, I'd take that extra big fighting ax, and maybe a slayer if you've got one lying around."

                "Okay. Buffy?"

                "Yes." She came out of the kitchen.

                "Extra big icky guy, up for a fight?"

                "Oh, fighting side by side again, definitely."

                They arrived at the address and found a slew of demons. "This looks horrible."

                "Don't be so pessimistic Buffy."

                "Okay, what do we do?"

                "We get up on the roof, attack from above, got your crossbow?"

                "Yes."

                "Practice lately?"

                "Yes. Let's go."

                "Get on my back."

                "Oh boy, I love riding you Angel."

                "Buffy..."

                "Well I do, let's just go." She hopped on his back and he scaled some drainage pipes to the top of the warehouse. She jumped off. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

                "Better. Now let's just watch and see what they are doing." They watched for a few minutes until the horror of what they were watching set in. Below them, was a line of humans, and they were jumping down into a circular hole, and there was just as steady a stream of demons coming out of a hole not ten feet away. At the other end of the warehouse, they saw maybe fifty bodies, with maybe twenty other bodies being fed off of by a hoard of vampires. Some of the humans were just children; others were adults, teenagers, women and men. She saw two vampires drinking from a small child, next to her, was another small child being changed.

                "My god... it's a demon manufactory, and the children. This explains why there's been so many more demons lately."

                "I know, we have to stop them."

                "Duh. How?"

                "It looks like some kind of ritual, the lines and candles, and incense. If we can stop the ritual, maybe we can stop the whole thing. We can't save the people who are already dead, but perhaps the others."

                They moved inside the window, closer to the demons and listened.

                "When will they be here?" One said.

                "They will be, and they will be pleased. The jeweled ones will be pleased."

                "Angel, jeweled ones?"

                "I don't know."

                "Angel look... I've seen one before, in your office at Thanksgiving that first year. We know how to kill them."

                "Killing them won't stop the others." It was a Morha demon, this could be a potentially lethal fight for him, he had to be careful not to mix blood with any of them.

                "So what do we do?" She asked.

                "Those people look they are entranced or something, like a spell, if we can break through to them we could try and get of them out."

                "Good plan, no wonder I love you so much." She said smiling. Just then she saw something sparkle in between both holes. "Angel... look." She pointed. She looked closer and it appeared to be a jewel that was emanating two lines from it, to each of the holes. "If we get that jewel, I bet the holes will close up. You can kill that other demon you know how to kill, I'll go for the jewel."

                "You sure?"

                "Yes, after that, you get the people out, I'll take on the demons."

                "Sure?"

                "Yes Angel, let's go. I need a distraction to get close enough."

                "Consider it done." Just then he kissed her forehead and jumped down the floor, running away from the jewel, several demons followed him, including the jeweled one. She jumped down and ran to the jewel, demons began attacking her. She made it close but was thrown back.

                "Silly mortal girl... you can't enter the circle without being prepared, all who enter, become." They brought Angel to her, three demons had him, he was vamped out and they had a stake to his heart. "Now, I'd stop fighting if I were you."

                "ANGEL!" She tried to run to him, but she was held back. He morphed back to human face. "ANGEL! Let him go! What are you doing here?" She spoke to the Jewel man.

                "We are ending the world. What are you doing?"

                "We are ending the end of the world."

                "Well my dear, as you can see, one of us is going to walk away happy, and two will not walk away, and sadly you can't stop us, it's already started." The ground began to shake violently and the holes began expanding toward the jewel. "Ah, it's already started. Let them go, there is nothing they can do."

                Angel's mind was racing; he was going through everything he had read about the End of Days and the jeweled ones. If an unpure creature were to jump in the hole, he was pretty sure the hole would close up, he had to try. He ran to Buffy and grabbed her.

                "What's going on Angel?"

                "Buffy, I have to go."

                "What?" The ground was shaking and thunderous sounds were drowning out the sound.

                "Buffy, I have to stop it."

                "How?"

                "I won't be back Buffy."

                "Angel... no!"

                "Buffy, I love you!  I have to go!"

                "Angel, please don't! I can't live without you!"

                "Buffy, please... I have to end this." 

                With that he grabbed her and they kissed quickly. He jumped into the circle and she watched with horror as he dove into the hole. A light shot up through it and she watched all the demons being sucked into hole. The remaining people began waking up from the magic, confused and crying. The light dissipated and the holes closed up, leaving the jewel on the surface. She walked over to it and held it up, it looked like there was a fluid inside, it was green.

                She sunk to the ground crying. She had lost him for good.

**17**

DURING THE NIGHT

                She had this nagging feeling, like there was something undone. She got up very quietly, so as not to wake him, but remembered he was not there. She went to the chest and opened it up looking very specifically for something. She found it and quickly flipped to the last page and read it, it was a letter that she had never gotten.

_My love-_

_                How can you possibly forgive me for what I did to us? Luckily you don't have to, because you don't remember because the past twenty-four hours, the happiest of my life, never happened. Our love was erased, like it was some cosmic joke, and now I feel even more dead inside than ever before. Feeling my heart beating, the warmth of humanity then having it taken away, how can I go on?_

_                I wish I didn't remember, but it will pull me through, I think, until I can find my way back into your arms, into your warmth. Until this burden is not only mine to bear. Until then, I am haunted by the memories of a day when my dreams came true and I could make love to you over and over and not worry about the consequences. A day when I was human and was able to kiss you in the sunlight and not worry about burning.Now that day is but a shadow, a reflection, in my dreams, a never ending nightmare for myself, the kind that you always want to have, but never want to remember. The worst kind of nightmare that seems wonderful until you wake up and realize that it isn't real. What will I say when I see you again? What could I say so as not to sound like an idiot? I pray to the Powers that Be, that you remember so I don't have to look into your eyes and lie to you. Part of me wishes you would never remember, so I never have to know the true meaning of loneliness and regret._

_                I am glad I had one more chance with you. One more time to relish the time with you, and ravish in your juices, and push us past the line of all logic and sanity, past the point of reality. I remember fondly, your lips around me, your hands stroking me gently, your fingers on my back, your breath on my neck, your hair running over my skin. I close my eyes and remember the delights your body holds for me and wake up and realize that they are someone else's now. I've not met him once, but already I hate him, envy him, for being able to touch you in ways I cannot, will not. In a way I am glad these are only memories, for you should not have to live with the knowledge of that which I took away from you, once again._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally sorry,_

_                                                                                                                                                Angel_

                She was unsure how to process what she just read. She flipped back through the pictures and closed her eyes. The pictures were so vivid, and his letter? Had he been human? When? How? She flipped through the drawings for sometime that night until she found one of himself, entitled 'Self-Portrait.' In it, he had long hair, and a vacant sad look about him, it was not recent, probably from before he was changed. She looked through more and found pictures of him and Darla together. She cringed. She found some of Drusilla as well, so many, but never the love with which he drew her.

                "Oh Angel!" She pressed play on the radio and listened. She looked at the pictures of them together, and the one he had drawn of the other night and realized what this song really meant.

//Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd of  had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known how the King would fall

Hey whose to say you know I might have chanced it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd of had to miss the dance//

                She knew what she had to do. She sat with the pen and paper for an hour and went back to the warehouse. She put the letter where he had jumped. She caressed the ground, "Oh my Angel! I guess you finally have atoned and now we shall be together."

                She placed the envelope down and raised the blade to her wrist and sliced up her arm and let it a few drops fall upon the letter along with her tears. She held the letter with one hand, while her other bled out her life.

**18**

FRIDAY EARLY MORNING

                The man found the girl in the warehouse surrounded in blood. She was barley breathing; he raced her to the hospital. It was just before sunrise when she was admitted and given immediate transfusions. She had no identification on her, just a letter clutched in her hand. They tried to remove it, but she was gripping tightly to it. On the front was written 'Angel.'

                "Where is she?"

                "Right in there Ms. Lockely." The detective walked in, hoping to see some normal cause of the injury and luckily it was but the girl looked very familiar. "We've tried getting the letter, but we don't want to rip it, it says 'Angel.'"

                "Okay, leave the letter there, I'm going to go run some stuff through the system and try and get a name. Try to save her."

                Buffy was groggy. She listened to the voices, and she heard hospital beeps. She had been saved; she did not want to be saved. Why did they have to find her? She wanted to be with Angel. She wanted to be done with the suffering. Suddenly, she felt something being taken out of her hand.

FIVE DAYS LATER

                "Ready?" Cordelia asked her.

                "No, I'm not Cordelia." Buffy said. "I want to die."

                "Buffy, you can't, Angel started something here and we need to finish his work."

                "Cordelia, I want to die. Angel paid for his crimes a hundred times over and what does he get for it? Nothing. They gave him nothing. I want to die."

                "Buffy, we are going back to the office today, and I can't be stopping suicide attempts."

                "Then don't."

                "Buffy, don't say that when the doctors can hear you. They won't let you leave. You'll feel better once we're home and you can take a shower and a nap."

                "He was human, we could have had children by now Cordelia. Why didn't he tell me?"

                "Buffy... it would have killed you."

                "He did that anyway. We could have had five happy years."

                "Buffy..." Her friend began to cry, as she held her. Cordelia had to take care of Buffy; it would be her last act of friendship to Angel. He would take care of Buffy, as Angel had taken care of herself, when she was poor and sad. "Let's go."

                "Okay." Suddenly she fell over, and a searing pain ripped through her head. "Cordelia?"

                When the pain had stopped she said, "We have to go pick something up first."

                "Okay."

                Cordelia ran to the place where the vision had told her and picked up the letter and smiled.  Buffy was in the car alone and she feared for her life so she ran back. Buffy had been so quiet, so distant, not her usual self.

                They got back to the apartment and Buffy went to the bed. "Buffy? I don't know if you want this now, but my vision, told me to get it, and I saw it in your hands, I think it's for you, plus it says Buffy on it." She handed her the envelope. "I'm going up to return a few phone calls, I'll be down in a few minutes with some coffee, okay?" Buffy nodded. Cordelia had already taken all the weapons off the walls and knives out of the kitchen so Buffy should be fine for a few minutes.

                She didn't know what it was. Correction, she did, but how? She opened it up and read it.

_My love-_

_                I have managed to get this to you, after I got yours. Oh Buffy, there was no other way. I had to, please understand that all I have ever done was out of my love for you, for your life. Seeing you in the hospital again tore me up inside._

_                I die so you can live. I know you don't understand all that happened but you can get answers. Take the jewel to the Powers that Be, to the Oracles, they want it, they need it. Take it to them, Cordelia knows how to get you in. Be strong love, I don't suffer anymore. I have at last atoned._

_                                                                                                                                Eternally yours,_

_                                                                                                                                                Angel_

                She broke down just as Cordelia came down. "Buffy?"

                "Cordelia, we have to go see the Oracles, they need this thing." She took the jewel out from the desk and it glowed green. "You can get me there?"

                "Yes, but..."

                "No questions, let's go."

                They were in the car, Buffy was quiet. "Buffy, I know the letter was from Angel, I saw him in my vision, what did he say."

                "That he has finally atoned for his crimes and that they Oracles want this thing."

                "Okay, we'll go."

                "Come in Great Warrior. We've been expecting you."

                Buffy was stunned to say the least. "Who are you? I don't understand."

                "We are the Oracles, servants to the Powers, as are you, a servant. That which we serve and that which you serve are one in the same. Did you bring the jewel?" The female said.

                "Yes." She held it up and it flew into her hand.

                "Good, now we have a question to pose you." The male said.

                Just then Buffy looked up and saw Angel walk through the door they Oracles had come through. "ANGEL!" She ran to him but was stopped by the male.

                "No touching. A statement, a question, an answer and then you will leave."

                "ANGEL!"

                "He cannot speak, do not speak to him. He is aware of the implications of his speech," the female said.

                "I don't understand." Buffy said confused.

                The male paced over to her, "Please..." he took her hand and led her to the center of the room where there appeared a globe. "Look into it. You remember these events." She looked and saw everything Angel had draw in the pictures, unfolding.

                "I know of them, I do not remember them."

                "Do you want to?" He asked.

                "What?"

                "Do you want to?" He asked, his patience wearing thin.

                "What would I have to do?"

                "Simply touch the globe."

                "What's the catch?"

                "Smart girl, brother, like I said, she is not quick to decide. She learned well."

                "The catch is that he will forget."

                "What kind of sick joke is this?" Buffy asked getting frustrated. She looked over to Angel; he was not looking at her.

                "You see this?" The male lifted the jewel up. "This is filled with blood."

                "It's not blood." She said.

                "Not human blood for certain. Do you doubt the occurrence of those events?" He said pointing to the globe.

                "No I don't."

                "So you remember?"

                "No, I believe."

                "Do you believe you remember?"

                "NO! I believe they happened in my heart."

                "How can you be sure?"

                "Because Angel wouldn't have drawn me with a tattoo he didn't know about."

                "Is that all?"

                "Why would you have asked me if I wanted to remember if it never happened?" She asked.

                "She has you there brother." The female said walking over to Angel. "Do you know how those events transpired?"

                "Surely not, I don't remember."

                "He went to fight in the sewers, you above in the light. His blood mixed with that of the Morha demon. Morha blood is the blood of eternity. It also reverses the effects of eternity." The male said.

                "What?"

                "My brother means that it gave him his humanity back."

                "That's how it happened? Why don't I remember?"

                "Because later you went to fight the demon and he almost died, almost caused your death, he came to us and asked us to change him back."

                "You turned back time." Buffy said.

                "I told you brother she was smart."

                "Yes." The male said to his sister.

                "You said you had a statement and a question, what is the question?" She asked.

                "I must finish with the statement. The blood of eternity, capable of creating immortality and reversing it."

                "What are you saying that I could be immortal?"

                "Indeed."

                "And he could be mortal again?"

                "Or. Indeed."

                "With that blood?"

                "Yes."

                "But he died, he jumped in the hole, why is he here now? Why can't he speak?"

                "Because he is a reflection of your memory, a shadow of the past."

                "So why tell me this about the blood, what's the point?"

                "Because he has atoned for his crimes, and he walks with the great warriors. But if you mix his blood with that of the Morha, he may only leave this room through that door which you came through."

                "I could take him human?"

                "Yes."

                "No curse, no clauses, no conditions, human? To age and have children? To be a normal human male, no consequences?"

                "Correct."

                "Or I could mix it with mine and be immortal."

                "Correct."

                "Why would I do that?"

                "That is the question. What do you want to do with the blood?"

                "It is mine to do what I want with?"

                "Indeed. You may take twenty-four hours to decide."

                "No, I don't need it."

                "What is your answer?"

                She turned to him. "Can he hear me? Can I talk to him?"

                "Indeed you may."

                "Can I have a few minutes?"

                "No. We are on a tight schedule."

                "Angel," she turned to him with tears streaming down her face. "Angel, I'm sorry, I love you so much, but I..." she turned back to the Oracles. "I want to take it to those children who drank from the vampires, they should be waking up soon, I want to save them, I want them to be children, can I do that?"

                "Indeed you may do anything with it."

                "How much will I need to save those children and their parents?"

                "This much." The female took the jewel and handed it Buffy. "Is that your decision?"

                "It is."

                "Touch the globe." He said.

                "No." Buffy said.

                "What?"

                "I want him to know, not I. I have gone this long without knowing, I want him to keep the memory."

                "So be it." The male said, as he turned to the door.

                "Wait!" The female said. "If you touch it together, his memory will be shared."

                "Sister... that is hardly what was to be done."

                "Brother, she is giving up so much, she deserves this." Just then a light from above flashed. "See, they approve. Touch the globe together."

                Buffy and Angel met at the globe and touched it and she fell to the ground with the sudden overload of senses. She felt everything that had happened in a matter of seconds, every touch, every punch, every glance, every little thing, in a second. He made no move to help her. The Oracles turned toward the door and he followed.

                "ANGEL I LOVE YOU!" She screamed before she was thrown out of the room.

                "BUFFY!" Cordelia caught her. "What happened?"

                "Nothing, we have to go to the warehouse. We have to find those children, as many as we can. This blood, it will make it them human again."

                "Buffy?"

                "Cordelia, let's go."

GO ONTO THE NEXT SECTION


	5. Section 5

TITLE: Correspondences  
  
Chunk 5  
  
RATING: R  
  
PAIRING: Buffy/Angel  
  
SUMMARY: They are writing to each other, trying to mend some fences.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon owns the characters. LYRICS BY: Garth Brooks "the Dance" and "Every Woman", Janet Jackson "Again", and "Wild Horses" by the Sunday's. POETRY BY: William Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet"  
  
FEEDBACK: PLEASE! It means SOOOO much! PLEASE PLEASE!  
  
  
  
-the Correspondences-  
  
18  
  
FRIDAY EARLY MORNING  
  
  
  
The man found the girl in the warehouse surrounded in blood. She was barley breathing; he raced her to the hospital. It was just before sunrise when she was admitted and given immediate transfusions. She had no identification on her, just a letter clutched in her hand. They tried to remove it, but she was gripping tightly to it. On the front was written 'Angel.'  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"Right in there Ms. Lockely." The detective walked in, hoping to see some normal cause of the injury and luckily it was but the girl looked very familiar. "We've tried getting the letter, but we don't want to rip it, it says 'Angel.'"  
  
"Okay, leave the letter there, I'm going to go run some stuff through the system and try and get a name. Try to save her."  
  
Buffy was groggy. She listened to the voices, and she heard hospital beeps. She had been saved; she did not want to be saved. Why did they have to find her? She wanted to be with Angel. She wanted to be done with the suffering. Suddenly, she felt something being taken out of her hand.  
  
  
  
FIVE DAYS LATER  
  
  
  
"Ready?" Cordelia asked her.  
  
"No, I'm not Cordelia." Buffy said. "I want to die."  
  
"Buffy, you can't, Angel started something here and we need to finish his work."  
  
"Cordelia, I want to die. Angel paid for his crimes a hundred times over and what does he get for it? Nothing. They gave him nothing. I want to die."  
  
"Buffy, we are going back to the office today, and I can't be stopping suicide attempts."  
  
"Then don't."  
  
"Buffy, don't say that when the doctors can hear you. They won't let you leave. You'll feel better once we're home and you can take a shower and a nap."  
  
"He was human, we could have had children by now Cordelia. Why didn't he tell me?"  
  
"Buffy... it would have killed you."  
  
"He did that anyway. We could have had five happy years."  
  
"Buffy..." Her friend began to cry, as she held her. Cordelia had to take care of Buffy; it would be her last act of friendship to Angel. He would take care of Buffy, as Angel had taken care of herself, when she was poor and sad. "Let's go."  
  
"Okay." Suddenly she fell over, and a searing pain ripped through her head. "Cordelia?"  
  
When the pain had stopped she said, "We have to go pick something up first."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Cordelia ran to the place where the vision had told her and picked up the letter and smiled. Buffy was in the car alone and she feared for her life so she ran back. Buffy had been so quiet, so distant, not her usual self.  
  
They got back to the apartment and Buffy went to the bed. "Buffy? I don't know if you want this now, but my vision, told me to get it, and I saw it in your hands, I think it's for you, plus it says Buffy on it." She handed her the envelope. "I'm going up to return a few phone calls, I'll be down in a few minutes with some coffee, okay?" Buffy nodded. Cordelia had already taken all the weapons off the walls and knives out of the kitchen so Buffy should be fine for a few minutes.  
  
She didn't know what it was. Correction, she did, but how? She opened it up and read it.  
  
  
  
My love-  
  
I have managed to get this to you, after I got yours. Oh Buffy, there was no other way. I had to, please understand that all I have ever done was out of my love for you, for your life. Seeing you in the hospital again tore me up inside.  
  
I die so you can live. I know you don't understand all that happened but you can get answers. Take the jewel to the Powers that Be, to the Oracles, they want it, they need it. Take it to them, Cordelia knows how to get you in. Be strong love, I don't suffer anymore. I have at last atoned.  
  
Eternally yours,  
  
Angel  
  
  
  
She broke down just as Cordelia came down. "Buffy?"  
  
"Cordelia, we have to go see the Oracles, they need this thing." She took the jewel out from the desk and it glowed green. "You can get me there?"  
  
"Yes, but..."  
  
"No questions, let's go."  
  
They were in the car, Buffy was quiet. "Buffy, I know the letter was from Angel, I saw him in my vision, what did he say."  
  
"That he has finally atoned for his crimes and that they Oracles want this thing."  
  
"Okay, we'll go."  
  
"Come in Great Warrior. We've been expecting you."  
  
Buffy was stunned to say the least. "Who are you? I don't understand."  
  
"We are the Oracles, servants to the Powers, as are you, a servant. That which we serve and that which you serve are one in the same. Did you bring the jewel?" The female said.  
  
"Yes." She held it up and it flew into her hand.  
  
"Good, now we have a question to pose you." The male said.  
  
Just then Buffy looked up and saw Angel walk through the door they Oracles had come through. "ANGEL!" She ran to him but was stopped by the male.  
  
"No touching. A statement, a question, an answer and then you will leave."  
  
"ANGEL!"  
  
"He cannot speak, do not speak to him. He is aware of the implications of his speech," the female said.  
  
"I don't understand." Buffy said confused.  
  
The male paced over to her, "Please..." he took her hand and led her to the center of the room where there appeared a globe. "Look into it. You remember these events." She looked and saw everything Angel had draw in the pictures, unfolding.  
  
"I know of them, I do not remember them."  
  
"Do you want to?" He asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you want to?" He asked, his patience wearing thin.  
  
"What would I have to do?"  
  
"Simply touch the globe."  
  
"What's the catch?"  
  
"Smart girl, brother, like I said, she is not quick to decide. She learned well."  
  
"The catch is that he will forget."  
  
"What kind of sick joke is this?" Buffy asked getting frustrated. She looked over to Angel; he was not looking at her.  
  
"You see this?" The male lifted the jewel up. "This is filled with blood."  
  
"It's not blood." She said.  
  
"Not human blood for certain. Do you doubt the occurrence of those events?" He said pointing to the globe.  
  
"No I don't."  
  
"So you remember?"  
  
"No, I believe."  
  
"Do you believe you remember?"  
  
"NO! I believe they happened in my heart."  
  
"How can you be sure?"  
  
"Because Angel wouldn't have drawn me with a tattoo he didn't know about."  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"Why would you have asked me if I wanted to remember if it never happened?" She asked.  
  
"She has you there brother." The female said walking over to Angel. "Do you know how those events transpired?"  
  
"Surely not, I don't remember."  
  
"He went to fight in the sewers, you above in the light. His blood mixed with that of the Morha demon. Morha blood is the blood of eternity. It also reverses the effects of eternity." The male said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"My brother means that it gave him his humanity back."  
  
"That's how it happened? Why don't I remember?"  
  
"Because later you went to fight the demon and he almost died, almost caused your death, he came to us and asked us to change him back."  
  
"You turned back time." Buffy said.  
  
"I told you brother she was smart."  
  
"Yes." The male said to his sister.  
  
"You said you had a statement and a question, what is the question?" She asked.  
  
"I must finish with the statement. The blood of eternity, capable of creating immortality and reversing it."  
  
"What are you saying that I could be immortal?"  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"And he could be mortal again?"  
  
"Or. Indeed."  
  
"With that blood?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But he died, he jumped in the hole, why is he here now? Why can't he speak?"  
  
"Because he is a reflection of your memory, a shadow of the past."  
  
"So why tell me this about the blood, what's the point?"  
  
"Because he has atoned for his crimes, and he walks with the great warriors. But if you mix his blood with that of the Morha, he may only leave this room through that door which you came through."  
  
"I could take him human?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No curse, no clauses, no conditions, human? To age and have children? To be a normal human male, no consequences?"  
  
"Correct."  
  
"Or I could mix it with mine and be immortal."  
  
"Correct."  
  
"Why would I do that?"  
  
"That is the question. What do you want to do with the blood?"  
  
"It is mine to do what I want with?"  
  
"Indeed. You may take twenty-four hours to decide."  
  
"No, I don't need it."  
  
"What is your answer?"  
  
She turned to him. "Can he hear me? Can I talk to him?"  
  
"Indeed you may."  
  
"Can I have a few minutes?"  
  
"No. We are on a tight schedule."  
  
"Angel," she turned to him with tears streaming down her face. "Angel, I'm sorry, I love you so much, but I..." she turned back to the Oracles. "I want to take it to those children who drank from the vampires, they should be waking up soon, I want to save them, I want them to be children, can I do that?"  
  
"Indeed you may do anything with it."  
  
"How much will I need to save those children and their parents?"  
  
"This much." The female took the jewel and handed it Buffy. "Is that your decision?"  
  
"It is."  
  
"Touch the globe." He said.  
  
"No." Buffy said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I want him to know, not I. I have gone this long without knowing, I want him to keep the memory."  
  
"So be it." The male said, as he turned to the door.  
  
"Wait!" The female said. "If you touch it together, his memory will be shared."  
  
"Sister... that is hardly what was to be done."  
  
"Brother, she is giving up so much, she deserves this." Just then a light from above flashed. "See, they approve. Touch the globe together."  
  
Buffy and Angel met at the globe and touched it and she fell to the ground with the sudden overload of senses. She felt everything that had happened in a matter of seconds, every touch, every punch, every glance, every little thing, in a second. He made no move to help her. The Oracles turned toward the door and he followed.  
  
"ANGEL I LOVE YOU!" She screamed before she was thrown out of the room.  
  
"BUFFY!" Cordelia caught her. "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing, we have to go to the warehouse. We have to find those children, as many as we can. This blood, it will make it them human again."  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Cordelia, let's go."  
  
  
  
19  
  
TWO DAYS LATER  
  
  
  
She had read the letters over again. She had found the others under the bed and read them as well. She had finished going through the chest of things as well. She found his sisters copy of Romeo and Juliet and read it aloud to an empty room. She enjoyed reading it out loud; it kept her thoughts alive.  
  
"For never was there a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo." She put the book down, tears streaming down her face. "You got that right Mr. Prince. Now that I've successfully depressed the hell out of myself..." she walked to the bathroom washed quickly and flopped down to bed.  
  
She was asleep in minutes, tears streaming down her face. She loved her dreams; with them came the memories of a day that she now remembered. That night she dreamt that she heard his voice, "Buffy... Buffy... I love you... wake up... Buffy..." she awoke in a groggy haze, half expecting to be completely off her rocker. "Buffy..." She wiped her eyes once more, twice, three times and opened them again.  
  
"Angel..." no sooner had she cleared her eyes, but she had filled them with tears once again. "Angel... is it really you?" Suddenly, she felt his lips catch hers and his arms wrapped around her waist.  
  
"It's me." She sat up and grabbed him, holding him so tight, she wasn't sure if she could let go. He held her as well and rocked her to sleep.  
  
  
  
THE NEXT MORNING  
  
  
  
She began to stir, and remembered the dream; it had been so real. She slowly opened her eyes and found a pair of brown ones staring back at her. "Morning Goddess."  
  
"Angel!" She pulled him to her and began kissing his face, his nose, and his lips. "Angel, it wasn't a dream."  
  
"No it wasn't."  
  
"What? How?"  
  
"You."  
  
She sat up. "I don't understand."  
  
"You chose to save everyone else instead of me, others over yourself. The mark of a true hero, a true warrior."  
  
"But... how did you come back?"  
  
"After you left, they brought me to the Powers that Be and they sent me back."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because they knew you were so close to the brink of suicide Buffy. They couldn't have their best warrior ended like that, so tragically, at her own hand."  
  
"So are you human?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So we're back to square one."  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Come with me." He stood up and took her hand. He walked them upstairs and opened the door and they stepped out on to the roof where they had eaten.  
  
"Angel... no... don't..."  
  
"Buffy, come with me. Kiss me in the sunlight." He stepped into the sun, direct sunlight.  
  
"But..."  
  
"Shh... Kiss now, explanations later." He pulled her to him and captured her lips in a tender kiss.  
  
"I was so sad Angel, you left me again."  
  
"Buffy, I had to, I had to do it, end it, you couldn't, so I did."  
  
"I couldn't live without you Angel."  
  
"You don't have to."  
  
"So what are you?"  
  
"I'm a half demon, like my friend Doyle was. I'm half-vampire, half- human. I can be in the sun, no longer than four hours at a time, but I can be. I can eat food, but I still need blood to survive. I have my strength and the face, but I'm alive, I have a heartbeat and a reflection, and I can have children."  
  
"No you can't."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You may get to contribute, but I have them."  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"Yes. How much blood?"  
  
"Just a pint or so, to keep the demon alive, otherwise the strength will disappear."  
  
"What about the curse?"  
  
"Buffy, there's one more thing I have to tell you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The curse wasn't a problem before."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Let's go inside, I'm starving." She followed him downstairs. "Buffy, I don't want to say this, but I've known for two years that my soul was permanent."  
  
"How?"  
  
"A gift from the Powers That Be, two years ago, there was this major big demon mess, and I 'fought bravely' and was granted permanent custody of my soul."  
  
"You knew this, and you didn't say anything?"  
  
He began making eggs and toast. "Because I didn't want to make love to you until you knew everything and still made the decision. I didn't want any old baggage there, and I didn't want us to be together without knowing each other again."  
  
"You almost died Angel."  
  
"No, I was born."  
  
"Whatever, technicality, you didn't tell me, we could have been together again and you didn't tell me, let me believe that we couldn't be together."  
  
"You're the one that's always telling me it didn't matter."  
  
"It doesn't, it didn't, but we also decided to be truthful."  
  
"Then tell me the truth. Would it matter?"  
  
"After all I've told you, about my changing, you think it matters? I was willing to give up everything for you Angel."  
  
"Then why were in such a hurry to fix the curse?"  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT ANGEL! I'VE ONLY PINNED OVER YOU FOR NINE YEARS OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I LOVE THE SEX, THAT WE'VE ONLY HAD ONCE, MIGHT I ADD. RIGHT, I'M THAT SHALLOW!" She left the room. He followed her to the bedroom.  
  
"Buffy, what are doing?"  
  
"I'm getting out of here."  
  
"Buffy..." he took her arm.  
  
"NO! If you have that low of an opinion of me, you don't deserve to touch me!" She threw some things in a bag and stormed by him and left. He let her go.  
  
  
  
20  
  
THAT AFTERNOON  
  
  
  
"Here." She handed him an envelope. "This is from Buffy, she came over to my place in tears Angel, tears, fountains. She wanted you to have this."  
  
He took it from her and handed her one in return. "Give this to her? Please."  
  
"Fine."  
  
  
  
Angel-  
  
How could you insinuate that? I would take you covered in slime with a tail coming out of your head, celibate or not. It doesn't matter. I wanted to see about the curse so we could have that connection again, not because it was either that or nothing.  
  
Then you come and tell me this and expect it to just roll of my back? No, I'm not going to do this Angel. Maybe this fight wasn't about you at all, maybe it was about me. Maybe I'm mad at myself for not remembering. It sounds absurd, but I promised, and I let you down. Just like I let you down my cutting my wrist. Angel, I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to, not now that I can have you in it. Now that everything is finally fitting into my life.  
  
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I may be a woman now, but as there is a demon lurking inside you, there is the child inside me who is scared and craving love she never got. I love you; the next move is yours.  
  
My Love Forever,  
  
Buffy  
  
  
  
"Here Buffy, this is for you."  
  
  
  
Buffy-  
  
I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you this much, again. It seems that's all I can do. Funny the people we love the most and want to protect, are the ones that are the easiest to hurt. Ironic how the world works.  
  
Never did I mean to insinuate that the physical was all you cared about. If that were true, you would have dumped my sorry self a long time ago. And you didn't, and you didn't give up. Maybe I'm mad at myself for giving you up so easily without a fight. I knew the curse wouldn't change anything, I was still immortal and you not, and I didn't think you should know. There was still too much baggage. I didn't want the second time we made love to be with secrets surrounding it, nor did I want lies in between us. I wanted the moment to be right. I didn't want you to feel you had to be with me right when I told you. I wanted us to have a clean slate, and to know each other again because we have changed. I wanted us to be sure. I wanted it to be special.  
  
I wanted to be able to plan ahead so everything is perfect. So I can worship you like you should be, so I can see your body, and you can see mine, so we can be together. I didn't want you to feel obligated to be with me just because it had been fours years since we'd been together, and I wanted to be sure you remembered. And maybe I was nervous, to test the curse. Nervous to be with you again, you make me so weak, vulnerable, it's not a feeling I can take that well, and maybe I wanted to be ready for it. And perhaps I was wrong. I can't imagine it from your side, I've tried, but I can't know, not really. I'm sorry. I love you more than words can express. Please forgive me, I love you and am awaiting your call.  
  
My Love Always,  
  
Angel  
  
  
  
21  
  
THAT EVENING  
  
  
  
He went out demon hunting, he needed to kill. He needed to fight. It was early still, but he decided to call it quits, he had this nagging suspicion he should go home. So he did. He threw his jacket on the couch and sat in the chair for a few minutes. He smelled Buffy faintly; her scent still lingered in the place. She had only been there a matter of days, and already the place was full of her.  
  
He heard someone in the other room, clearing the throat, and he turned around to see her standing there in purple silk. "Are you coming to bed?" She asked.  
  
"Buffy, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, you did give me the key, unless you want it back."  
  
"NO! It's yours. Buffy... you never disappointed me."  
  
"Shh... don't talk Angel. Kiss now, talk later." She walked to him smiling as he stood up and pressed her heated body against his. "Angel?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Would you do something for me?"  
  
"Of course, anything, what?"  
  
"Draw."  
  
"What?" She picked up a wrapped box from the floor and handed it to him. He opened it up and gasped. "Buffy, these are wonderful!"  
  
"I thought you're going to need some."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I want you to draw me Angel, I want to watch your face and your hands, and I want to see you draw me."  
  
"These are perfect Buffy. Let me go get some paper."  
  
"No! Got it covered. Come with me." She took his hand and led him into the bedroom where she had an easel set up with a bunch of blank canvases.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"I want you to use these pencils and all this other junk that I hope you know to use, to draw me."  
  
"Are you going to pose? Most of these have been from memory, not from a model."  
  
"You get the real deal this time, how do you want me?"  
  
"How don't I want you may elicit a shorter answer."  
  
"Okay," she slipped the nightgown off, and it fell to the floor, he watched her completely entranced, "How don't you want me?" She asked as she began lighting candles around the room.  
  
"I don't want you gone. Otherwise, everything else goes, covered in chocolate, whip cream, anything goes, but I don't want you a vampire or demon, unless absolutely necessary."  
  
"Deal." She took out a white satin blanket from a bag and let it fall down on the bed.  
  
"What's that?" He asked.  
  
She turned and smiled devilishly at him, "Just the beginning Angel, just the beginning." She pulled out a red silk scarf and lay down over the blanket and draped the scarf over her body. "Are you going to draw or just sit there drooling?" She looked at him. "Angel?"  
  
He watched her lay down gently on the bed, fanning her hair around her face, draping the scarf over her breasts and lower abdomen. He usually wouldn't like the color choice, but it suited her in this moment.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Hmm? What? I'm sorry, what were we doing?"  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
"In my imagination again."  
  
"You go there a lot." She said.  
  
"It's the only place where this could ever happen."  
  
"Well, this is reality, are you going to be able to concentrate on drawing?"  
  
"Yes." He sat down and went to work, looking up at her and drawing every curve, every shadow. She looked divine in the candlelight. She had incense going too, vanilla, the scent that was her every essence. Her eyes were sparkling as she watched him. His whole body was tingling all over, he felt his pulse racing, something he hadn't felt in a long time. She rested her hand on her stomach, with the Claddaugh on it and that was the center of the picture.  
  
He hadn't used charcoal in a while, and she had gotten some different colors, but he didn't want too much color. He found the perfect color of her eyes, a blue and green, and he colored the scarf in, lightly. Then he sought to find the perfect blend for her hair and skin, and he created those too.  
  
She lay there, watching him work. He was so involved in the picture. Her chest was gasping for air, and every inch of her body was tingling, trembling, her pulse was racing. She had never felt so nervous; she had never posed for a portrait of any kind, but wanted to do this. She watched him and he stopped for a minute to take his shirt off. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You said in the letter that I make you feel vulnerable, is that true?"  
  
"Everything I said in those letters was the truth."  
  
"I have a confession." She said as he continued to draw.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Angel, my body is shaking so much right now, I can't even see straight."  
  
"Are you okay?" That was a good question. She was. This was the most erotic moment of her lifetime, he hadn't even so much as touched her, and she felt as if they had made love a hundred times over already. "Buffy?"  
  
"I'm perfect." She smiled. "I'm just... I..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I want you Angel, I want you so much, I can't wait, it's like I'm going to burst."  
  
"I know, I'm almost done, I hope you'll like it."  
  
"I think I will." It was true, every glance he took, made her feel like a queen, she had never known what it was like to be worshipped, until these moments with Angel.  
  
"Done." He said taking a step back.  
  
"Can I, can I see it?"  
  
"Yes, it's for you." She stood up and walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around her as she looked at it and just the feeling of his hands on her bare skin made her tremble and sent shivers down her back. He wasn't as cool as she remembered, but he wasn't warm like her either.  
  
"It's beautiful Angel."  
  
"I'll have to get some spray stuff, so it won't smear, but it's done." She looked in the bottom right hand corner and he had written something there. "That's the title."  
  
She smiled and read the calligraphy, "My Goddess." Under the title was one single letter, A."I didn't know you knew calligraphy."  
  
"Well, like I said, there's a lo..." she turned her head and pulled his head down to hers and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. "A lot you don't know."  
  
"I want to find out." She turned around and pressed herself up to him and enjoyed the feeling of his skin on hers. He picked her up and carried her to the bed, she sat back and he crawled over her. "I feel like I'm seventeen again being with you for the first time, its odd and kind of exciting really."  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Yes?" He began a trail of kisses from her neck to her navel.  
  
"Are you sure you want this to be now? I mean, we've waited this long..."  
  
She pulled his head up to hers and looked deep in his eyes. "Angel, I've waited too long for new memories of you, I've slept too many nights disappointed because Riley wasn't you. I want to forget those nights; I want new memories with you. I want you to touch me in only the way you can, and make me feel the only way you can. I want you Angel, so bad it hurts." He continued his kisses down over her breasts. "Angel?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you want this? I don't want you to, if you'd rathe..." He silenced her protests with a kiss.  
  
"I've never wanted anything else."  
  
That night, they made love. The connected in the only way that truly satisfied the ache they had felt for five years. They worshipped each other, and memorized every inch of the other with kisses and caresses. One moment they were tender, the next they were animals, they brought each other beyond the bounds of reason, beyond sanity, beyond all logic. They crashed together and they rose together and the picture he could have painted would show them working as one. Neither knew where the others body began and their own ended, and as they lay after several hours of love making, they both had never felt more alive.  
  
"Angel, are you still awake?" Buffy whispered against his skin. They were entangled in each other, arms draped over the other, as close as they could be.  
  
"I can't sleep. I know I want to, but I can't. I don't want to, I want to live in this moment forever."  
  
"You can."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Draw, draw us together like you have before. I love seeing myself through you eyes."  
  
"Maybe I will." He kissed her forehead. "I cannot find the words to express how much I love you Buffy."  
  
"I know, I feel exactly the same." They fell asleep, two content lovers, wrapped within the embrace of their soulmate.  
  
  
  
22  
  
ONE WEEK LATER  
  
  
  
My Goddess-  
  
I can barely stand this time apart love. I need you next to me. I feel empty without you here with me. I think of us every day that we are apart. What it felt like to be inside you once again. You once said you felt at home in my arms, and I feel at home when I am buried within your warmth.  
  
Enclosed is another gift. I cannot stop myself from drawing. Every minute I find another memory I want to have. I've gone through five notebooks and four canvases since you left. You must come home to me soon my love. I am empty without you.  
  
Your mother came by this morning, she said she was in town buying some pictures. She said that if I hurt you once more that she would see to it that I die a horrid and unnatural death. Xander said something similar. You are such a lucky woman to have such wonderful people in your life, and I am the luckiest to have you. I don't care what you think, I don't deserve you, what could I have possibly done to deserve a Goddess? I may be your Angel but you are my queen.  
  
No word. There is no word to describe what I feel for you inside Buffy. Come home safely and soon.  
  
Eternally yours,  
  
A  
  
  
  
My Angel-  
  
I loved the picture; for once you are in one, although I fail to recall that position, perhaps something you want to try? Tell everyone not to worry about, and don't you worry either. I look forward to seeing those drawings, perhaps one day you will extend your model base and draw some fruit or a landscape. I too have enclosed a gift, although I have no artistic talent, I'm very good with an automatic camera. Hope you enjoy them almost as much as I'll enjoy showing you when I get home.  
  
I too am empty. This time apart, so soon after getting you back in my arms, makes me so sad, but it makes me appreciate you even more. I have a confession my darling boy. You asked me at some point during our night, if I was okay because you thought I was crying and I said I was fine. I lied. I was crying. You awakened emotions and feelings I had given up on. You brought them to the surface and I couldn't feel my own body. I had no other outlet for how much I felt, and so I cried for us Angel. To feel you filling me once more was a dream come true and I look forward to our next encounter.  
  
I do not wish to leave you, there are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to tell you, but I must sleep. For only in my sleep am I able to make love to you once more. I replay every kiss, every touch and every moan. No word. I like this, so appropriate. You are so completely my Angel, and I your queen, that I will agree on. Until we can be together again my love!  
  
Eternally your Goddess  
  
  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
When approached with this project by my brother, I wasn't sure if I could take on such a big task, and truly be able to do it justice. I was working on a deadline; I had one year to get the story of my parents together in time for their fiftieth anniversary.  
  
I can remember as a child, staring up at the picture above the fireplace and feeling the love with which my father painted her. I can remember walking into his studio and seeing painting after painting hanging on the wall, a shrine to my mother, the one he calls his Goddess. I remember before I went to school and Mom was at work, I would sit in the studio with Daddy and watch him working on another memory, so he told me. Sometimes it would be a picture of my mother, other times it would be me, or myself and her. As I got older, and our family grew it would be my brother, or our two sisters, or any combination.  
  
I close my eyes and I can see all the paintings that adorned the walls of the house so vividly. Pictures of where he grew up, beautiful pictures of green valleys and awe-inspiring mountains. I remember our family trip to Ireland, when he took us to his old home and we walked the streets that were once cobblestone. He took us to the cemetery where our aunt was, and our grandparents, and it was there my mother and my father began to tell us the story. My siblings at the time were too young to really understand the implications of what he said, but I did, and I became intrigued.  
  
When we got home, I was inspired; I began reading of my own heritage. It opened so many gates for me and I found that I had no artistic talent, mine was a talent of words. So it was after years of college, and journalism and English degrees that my parents anniversary was approaching and my brother asked me to recreate the greatest story ever told, of two star crossed lovers who defeated the odds. Everyone knows the story well, the curse, the breaking of it, the coming back from Hell, and the break up. What people don't really understand about my parents, is how they found their way back to each other. This is what I attempted to reconstruct, by talking with my parents at length about their past, by reading their letters that they still write today.  
  
I went to my mother's office every afternoon for a month and read all the letters and picked certain ones to help my cause. For this, I had to dig deep into my parents past, and detach myself from it. I had to look at it from a narrator's perspective and so when I now read the letters about the night I was conceived; I can appreciate their love even more.  
  
One can go to the library and find numerous books on Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, and the gypsies that cursed him. One can also read about the greatest slayer that ever lived, the only one to out live the prophecy. Likewise, one can get a book about the exceptional painter, Angel. And one can pick up a paper and read about B. Summers Incorporations, and what clients they are handling now. And now, one can read the story that links them all together throughout time and history.  
  
In closing, I would like to thank my brother, Alex for bringing this project to me, and my two sisters Willow-Anne and Kendra for the love and light they bring me. I would most of all like to thank my parents for giving me such inspiration, you two are truly divine. I can only wish I can find a love as great as yours, I should be so lucky, everyone should. And we can certainly answer the question once posed by my father. Indeed their love can stand the test of time.  
  
-Briana Summers  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
